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Epal Problems

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ESP
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since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


0 posted 03-25-2000 11:20 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

My problem is probably going to sound really stupid to you all out there but I am gonna say it anyway. I have this epal with whom I have become good friends with. We hit it off from the very beginning. We've had our problems but in spite of them we are as close as ever. I think she is a really terrific friend and she thinks I am a really terrific friend. Everything would be fine except for one thing: Her mother is totally against our friendship. I don't know why nor does Jessica(my epal). It is making things quite hard for her. She can only email me or chat with me when her mom is at work and she isn't at school. Jesse hates going behind her mom's back to email me but right now that is the only way. Her mom has even threatened to take her computer away. Her mom told her to forget about me and make some real friends. Neither of us understand why this is happening or how to resolve it. Has anybody been in a similar situation, i.e. a parent interfering with a friendship? If anybody has any ideas how we can resolve this, please please tell me. I don't want to lose my friend and she doesn't want to lose me. All we want is to get on with the important business of being friends. Friendship is hard enough without parents interfering. HELP!!!!
Poet deVine
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1 posted 03-25-2000 11:28 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I have a few questions:

1. How old is Jessica and how old are you?
2. What reason does Jessica's mom give you for her decision?
3. How much time do you spend on the computer?
4. How are you doing in school?

Thanks!
ESP
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since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


2 posted 03-25-2000 11:54 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

Reply to Poet deVine's questions:

1)Jessica turned 17 in January, I turn 17 in June.
2)Her mom hasn't given her reasons.
3)Quite a bit
4) I am not school right now. I live in Southern Africa and I have finished my IGCSEs here. I am going to school in England, but as the systems are different I have a long break between semesters. Here, the school year ends in November and in England it ends in June. The new school year there starts in September whereas here it would have started in January.

Does this info help any?
Poet deVine
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3 posted 03-25-2000 12:17 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Well, since Jessica's mother hasn't given a reason, the only thing I can think of is that she spends too much time on the computer and maybe her schoolwork is suffering?

How much influence do you exert over Jessica? Do you tell her what to do, how to think, how to act? Moms can be very protective if they think someone is 'overly encouraging' their child to do things they shouldn't. The fact that she's willing to contact you 'on the sly' without her mother's knowledge is a bad thing....honesty is the best policy.

I think YOU should talk to Jessica's mom. Get to know her...let her see that the relationship is only a pen pal relationship...
ESP
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since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


4 posted 03-25-2000 12:29 PM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

To Poet deVine again.

As far as I know her school work isn't suffering, in her last test on Western Civilisation she got an 85.She just moved to Caloifornia so she has changed schools since then obviously. I wouldn't think she has let her school work suffer. She spends alot of time working.  

I don't influence her to do anything she doesn't want to do. In fact, I told her that if she wanted to terminate our friendship because of the problems with her mom I would totally understand.

What else could this thing be apart from a penpal relationship? Anyway, I guess I could try emailing Jesse's mom.

I don't want to hurt her you know. I care very much about her.

Thanks for replying.
Ron
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Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


5 posted 03-25-2000 12:39 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

I think another possibility for such a parental reaction would simply be concern. CyberStalking is a very real issue on the Internet (just as it is in RL), and I think it's wise for any parent to be involved in a friendship developed over the Web. Unfortunately, I also think some parents let the pendulumn swing too wide - instead of insuring the friendships are reasonable ones, they find it easier (safer? less worrisome?) to simply ban the friendship entirely.

Think of it this way: Not only does the mother not know you, but she can't even be certain that Jessica really knows you. You could be a middle-aged pervert and every thing you say could be a lie, a prelude to very unfortunate and nefarious plans. With all the stories circulating, where exactly that kind of thing has happened to some unsuspecting teen, I think the mother is wise to be concerned.

A better answer, of course, would be for the mother to become more involved, rather than asking Jessica to become less involved. You might consider asking one of your parents to email Jessica's mother with some reassurances...

Good luck!

Danny Holloway
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since 01-15-2000
Posts 2072
Tulsa, OK


6 posted 04-01-2000 12:13 PM       View Profile for Danny Holloway   Email Danny Holloway   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Danny Holloway

PdV and Ron, I have been reading your responses to ESP and I think they have been excellent.  Computers have opened the world to our living rooms.  It is a phenominal means of communication, but there are dangers that cannot be ignored. Being a parent, I understand the mother's concern, yet, bad influences can come from school friends just as quickly, easier actually, than from an e-pal.
ESP, i liked Ron's last paragraph. Some type of reassuring communication from one of your parents to Jessica's may be helpful.
I believe most of us  need someone to talk to at times who doesn't know us and we don't know them, but someone who is there and will listen, not judge us, and hopefully offer encouragement.
Hope it all works out for you.
 
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