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What a Mess...

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Angel
Senior Member
since 07-02-99
Posts 597
Pennsylvania


0 posted 03-20-2000 12:58 AM       View Profile for Angel   Email Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Angel

Alright guys, I need your help. I've got myself into a huge mess this time. I don't even know where to start. Ok, about a week ago, my boyfriend of 18 months and I broke up. He was the first guy I ever cared for but cheated on me with a 14 year old. He now has decided she wasn't as good as me and wants me back. He has his family telling me how much they miss me and how much he wants me back. I love him and always will, but he hurt me and it's really hard to keep that out of my mind. I do also have a new boyfriend who is the one I went to when I cried when my first boyfriend and I broke up. I really want to get to know him better, and I care about him a whole lot already. He worries about me, and thinks I will go back to my first boyfriend and get hurt yet another time. To top this whole situation off, my best friend, who just happens to be a guy, told me today that he wants to be more than just friends and really cares about me. I don't know what to think about this, he is like a brother to me, and don't want to let this screw anything up. Oh yea, my best friend is also my current best friend's other best friend, so it really is an interesting situation. Someone help with any advice at all, PLEASE. I'm lost, can't sleep, and need help. My head is about to explode. Thanks ahead of time, if anything just for the space to vent. Sorry it was so confusing


 ~Susie~

StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 03-05-2000
Posts 696
Texas


1 posted 03-20-2000 11:03 AM       View Profile for StarrGazer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for StarrGazer

Hmmmm  ok this is just my opinion and  probably  what I would do in this situation ... back up and take a little time to sort all your feelings out  have no boyfriend for the time being  just  so that you can get a  bearing on what is best for you ... if the boyfriends really care for you they will understand and give you your  space and  wait for you to make up your mind

 "A poet is one who spends a lifetime standing out in thunderstorms, waiting to be hit by lightning"
~Randal Jarrell~


Jannel
Member
since 01-18-2000
Posts 498
Muncie, IN, USA


2 posted 03-20-2000 06:37 PM       View Profile for Jannel   Email Jannel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jannel

how has the 18 months boyfriend treated you within that time? if this is his only slip-up, and he's truly sorry, then maybe forgive him. the fact that his family cares about you is very nice, but you don't have to date them. in my 5ish years of dating experience (i'm almost 20 now) i have learned a few things. many are slightly cynical, but they might help. here goes:

people don't ususally change- if they cheat once, they will cheat again. if they hit you once, they will again.

just because you feel like you love someone doesn't mean that you really do. you may look back in three years or even six months and realize that you didn't ever feel so strongly about that person as the one you're with now.

high school relationships last about 2% of the time. college relationships maybe 20%. if it doesn't work out, that's okay, it doesn't need to. love will happen when it's good and ready.

to learn what you want in a relationship, you must know yourself. take time and be just you- not part of a dating unit. i went form boyfriend to boyfriend to boyfriend in high school, but between my frosh and soph years of college (this past summer) i spent a lot of time single and with a long distance boyfriend. i got to know what i wanted, and who i was, and for the first time, i and the rest of the world began to see me as jannel, not as "tim's girlfriend" or "kc's girlfriend" or even "becky's friend." and i love it.

my advice- take a break. be friends with them all, but say that you're not ready for a relationship quite yet. or try to be witht the guy you're with now. but don't take it way too seriously.

if you ever need some advice or want someone to talk to, you can e-mail me. good luck!!!

jannel



 Dont wake the dead,
Wake the dying,
Don't change what you've said,
Change what you're saying.
Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 01-15-2000
Posts 2072
Tulsa, OK


3 posted 03-24-2000 04:17 PM       View Profile for Danny Holloway   Email Danny Holloway   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Danny Holloway

I think that StarrGazer and Jannel have given you some pretty good advice.  You did not indicate your age or that of your boyfriend.  If your both in high school, then that puts a certain perspective on the issue, especially in regards to the 14 year old that your boyfriend cheated with.
Tend to agree that this guy is not likely to remain loyal to you.  He's shown his true colors.  I also agree that stepping back and getting a more objective look at the overall situation would probably be best.  Let some time pass and see how you feel.  Don't let anyone rush you into a decision that you may regret.
Good luck
heart_on_sleeve
Member
since 03-29-2000
Posts 55


4 posted 03-31-2000 12:23 AM       View Profile for heart_on_sleeve   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for heart_on_sleeve

first in my opinion dont go back to the boy who cheated on you with a 14 year old.No matter what him or his family says he broke your heart,left a scar there and will always be a heartbreaker.And who knows he'll probably do it again.Once a heartbreaker always a heartbreaker.The best friend guy-well if you go out with him your best friend who is the best friends guy friend might get jealous and say that she's had a secret crush on him.I think your choice should be the guy you went to cry too.He sounds like an awsome guy and would care about you just like when he gave you a shoulder to cry on.
               Heart_on_sleeve  
JOY 14
Senior Member
since 09-22-1999
Posts 1447
Wisconsin USA


5 posted 03-31-2000 05:31 PM       View Profile for JOY 14   Email JOY 14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JOY 14's Home Page   View IP for JOY 14

I agree with the advice everyone else has already given.  In my oppinion the best thing would be to NOT jump into anything.  Make sure you are doing what YOU want and not what you think will make others happy.  Just wait and your heart will lead the way along with the help of your head!  That's my advice.  Hope things work out.   Smiles!

Joy
Angel
Senior Member
since 07-02-99
Posts 597
Pennsylvania


6 posted 03-31-2000 07:27 PM       View Profile for Angel   Email Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Angel

Hey Everyone  ,
   Thank you all so much for your advice, you guys are the best  . Just as an update, my exboyfriend and I are not together, but we are still friends. I am still best friends with my best friend. And I am with the guy who I cried to and am very happy. Thanks again everyone  !


 ~Susie~


 
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