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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments

0 posted 2000-03-08 10:36 PM


I don't know whats wrong with me lately.  I've been sad, distant, emotionally disturbed...I've abandoned nearly all my friends except the ones that won't let me fade away.  I'm very rarely in a good mood, and when I am, the littlest thing can throw me off.  The last couple months have been like this for me.  I know I have people that care about me and love me, and I love them too, but knowing that can't seem to pull me out of this.  I try my hardest to act normal (I can be a good actress when I have to be), but I find myself breaking down in sobs frequently and unable to concentrate on things.  All of this is extremely hard to me to admit, to actually put into words.  But you guys are like family to me, and I need to talk to someone.  Is there anything I can do?  Is this something that I'll get over?  If anyone has any ideas, I'd appreciate it from the depths of my weary heart.  

 *Krista Knutson*

"Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul...." ~*Sarah McLachlan- Do What You Have To Do*~


© Copyright 2000 Krista Botterill - All Rights Reserved
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
1 posted 2000-03-08 11:03 PM


Krista,
  
This sounds like the story of my life.  many people know I suffer from depression but many people do not understand that there are different types of depression.  What I suffer from is called dysthmia.  It's an ongoing form of depression where you don't go through the mood swings a manac would - you simply stay low all the time.  It's like an inability to feel joy...even when you know you should be happy.

Honestly, I have worried about you for quite some time.  Your dreams, (nightmares), deep blue undertone in almost all your poetry is so reminiscent of mine.  I would suggest seeking a doctor's opinion.  This form of depression, as almost all are, is caused be chemical imbalance.  It doesn't mean anything other than that - and can be treated in most cases by a simple prescription.

There's is much more I would like to tell you.  I will send you an email.  ((HUGS))


Michael

HM3
Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 169
TX
2 posted 2000-03-08 11:06 PM


Hmm, I don't have enough information to determine what's really happening. Has this happened before and if not was there some event that triggered what I would say is symptomatic of depression? An anniversary of sorts (loss of a loved one, pet perhaps). What is the root of the problem, stress?

< !signature-->

 Work like money doesn't matter, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching...




[This message has been edited by HM3 (edited 03-08-2000).]

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2000-03-08 11:28 PM


Krista...I agree with Michael. We can only offer our thoughts and prayers from so far away. Talk to your doctor and he/she can direct you to the best solution for your problem. I have been suffering from a depression for the last 3 months. I have talked to my doctor. There is no shame in it and losts of help. Needing someone to talk to means you are human and you can't handle everything by yourself. We all have to realize that at some point in our lives. Please seek help from someone who can give it to you.  
AngelDust
Junior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 30
Minnesota
4 posted 2000-03-09 02:10 AM


Alwye, you are not alone in this world.  I've experenced the same things has you have and I have found that only pretending to be "normal" and "ok" only tend to make you feel worse.  I can't claim to know you as well as Michael does, and I sure wish you the best.  Also as Marilyn did say, it's not a bad thing if you have some sort of depression.  It just means you're human.  It can even be as simple as finding someone who you can sit down and talk with.  Just getting all my feeling out in the open did help me recover from my depression.

Once again, the best of luck to you.  
  -Angel-

Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669
Michigan, US
5 posted 2000-03-09 02:42 AM


Listen to Michael, Krista. Extended bouts of depression virtually always have medical roots - and treatments. If your doctor brushes you off (as they too often do to teens), then get a new doctor!

Our prayers are with you...


PhaerieChild
Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787
Aloha, Oregon
6 posted 2000-03-09 11:52 AM


Krista, growing up is a hard thing to do under perfect circumstances but I do agree with Michael and Ron that since this has been going on for awhile there is a possible chemical imbalance that can be treated with simple prescriptions. If you were older I'd say it was the onset of menopause (not even a bit fun BTW) but you are too young to be experiencing this. You have my thoughts and prayers and as Ron said don't let the doctor blow you off. You know yourself better than they do so make them listen.

 Poetry~ Words falling on paper, painting a dream.

Shawna R. Holder
Boise, Idaho



LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

7 posted 2000-03-09 05:52 PM


I must echo the comments made above. I think that you may have clinical depression. I suffered from it for two years, but now I rarely feel the feelings I did then. One main thing that has helped me is my faith, and my friends. E-mail me if you ever need to talk.

~LoveBug

 "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world"

X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
8 posted 2000-03-09 07:41 PM


Alwye....don't EVER ever be afraid to scream for help when you need someone! The neat thing about Passions is that lots of people care. Even ones you barely know   (me)
I was there a year and a half ago, and I owe my life to some quick thinking on a dear friends part. I love him for it still. It's weird how life can overtake you and make you think it's all not worth anything anymore. But those feelings are lies. Life is worth it. The struggle just makes you better, makes you more of a strong person etc etc. I could go on for hours..
Call a friend and talk and cry and scream, and always always remember that there is a light at the end.
Good luck, my prayers are with you, and do go see a doc..they can give you some GREAT stuff to ease what you are going through. It's no stigma, it's YOUR life, it's important. Now get your butt on the phone

*hug*
~X~

email me if ya need a shoulder  

White Wolf
Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371
Somewhere in the vast wasteland
9 posted 2000-03-10 01:40 AM


Alwye-  I find that people often jump on the boat of somethig being medically wrong with someone going through what you are.  From my experience drugs(doc's prescriptions) often only prolong the inevitable.  The roots of what is going on is almost always emotional.  Drugs can help prolong the effects but what happens when you get use to a drug.  Well you would switch drugs.  But the root of the problem still remains.  The pain or effects of your problem can lead you back to the problem and once you know the problem you can then fix it.  I would suggest finding someone that could help you with it.  Beleive me it is one of the most difficult things that I have gone through and is much easier with someone to help you.  You see my parents sent me to a conselor and he put me on drugs.  But my emotions were strong and when I was taking the drugs I felt as if I had lost apart of myself.  Well as far as my consiling went I quit.  Somethings happened and I could no longer trust him.  It has been awhile but I have gotten to the roots of my problem and am effectively eliminating them.  There are going to be many who will disagree with me but I speak from only my own experience.  I pray the best for you.  I could help more if I knew a little more.  Feel free to email me if you would like to talk to me futher about this.

SD


 If dying is the process of living life to its end.
Then what is living?


Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
10 posted 2000-03-10 06:13 AM


Hey Krista...

I'm with Ron and Michael... (That's nothing new)... Believe what Michael says to you.  He's a very wise man who knows himself well.  He's been dealing with his emotions for a long time, and he knows what he's talking about.  Trust in him, my friend..

God Bless you with a smile in your heart..

Mistikman
Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
11 posted 2000-03-10 10:46 AM


Krista, I also echo Michael's advice. I also suffer from a form of depression, one less understood than most forms. With mine, I almost completely lack motivation. I have to force myself to care enough to go and do things I want to do and enjoy doing. My form does not directly cause negative feelings, but the regret of all the missed opportunities is plenty enough to take over that. The doctor can probably help you. Speaking of this, I still need to get myself down to the doctor to see about my depression, argh, but I keep procrastinating.

Scorched Dragon- While the root of your problems might have been emotional, for many people it is chemical instead. I think urging Krista to completely blow off the chance of it being chemical is a bad idea. Just my 2 cents.

X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
12 posted 2000-03-10 11:27 AM


from what I understand, when people are emotionally upset, stressed, whatever..their bodies Seratonin levels get wacky. Which in turn causes odd emotions, depression, anxiety, even suicidal thoughts. That is WHY I say ruling out a doc is NOT the thing to do  . The medications they have out there can be used just for a short time to ease some symptoms. It's not a forever, lifetime commitment. Also a herbal remedy given to me by a LCW....Passion Flower or Valerian Root, and a cal-mag supplement. I also take B Complex anti-stress stuff  . There's a little more natural way.

Surgeon General's note: The X Angel is in no way to be considered qualified to give medical advice. Her advice is based on experience alone. Children do NOT try this at home, oh and look both ways before crossing busy highways.

*wink*
~X~

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
13 posted 2000-03-10 09:44 PM


LOL, thanks for the laugh, X angel.  And thank you all so much for replying to me.  The thought of a chemical problem never really crossed my mind until it was brought up here.  It sounds like a lot of you want me to see a doctor..but that would involve talking with my parents, whom I've avoided enough that they're pretty clueless.  I'm not sure what to do about that.  Bringing this out in the open has helped me.  I felt decent today for a while, but right now I feel low again...no reason really.  I want to take your advice, but I'm afraid, I guess.  I know I need to figure out what I need to do.  And somehow, I'll do it.  I want to thank you all again for giving me your kind words and support.  I will forever be grateful.

 *Krista Knutson*

"Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul...." ~*Sarah McLachlan- Do What You Have To Do*~


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