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One Who Understands
Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 251
Cedar Rapids, Iowa

0 posted 2000-02-21 03:26 AM


My sister just wrote me an email saying that her roomate's sister says that rumor has it, my girlfriend Katie has a kid or has had an abortion.  I know Katie hasn't had a child, but I can't keep myself from thinking about the other rumor.  We have been dating for three weeks and we are very open with eachother.  But she has had a rough past with drugs and such.  She has completely turned her life around, and that is why I respect her so much.  But what worries my is that sometimes she refrains from telling me things because she is affraid that she is going to scare me away with stories of her past.  Incodents in her past do not effect how I view Katie now.  Because I realize that she is a completely different person now.  But when I hear things like this, it just makes it that much harder to keep my eyes on the present, and not her past.  I guess my question to everyone is, "What should I be thinking right now?  Should I ask her?  Should I ignore it? How am I supposed to react to something like this?"

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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-02-21 09:51 AM


Rumors are vile. Ignore them. They serve no good purpose.  Keep your eyes on the present...that is the only place to keep them. If Katie has had an abortion or a child and given him/her up for adoption in the past, this just may be something that she is not willing or able to discuss with anyone else at this point in time. I'm sure that such a thing brings much pain. Sometimes, as hard as it is to believe, when things are extremely painful, the mind just blocks it out....really. It has happened to me in the past, much to my surprise. I couldn't believe that my brain had totally supressed something.....I never would have believed that it could happen to me, but it did. I guess it is some type of safety valve to keep us from going crazy. When I was reminded of the 'situation', I recalled it and I guess I was then at a point of being able to accept it and go on. All this to say, don't judge Katie, number 1, for something that may not be true, and number 2, if true she may not remember or be able to deal with at this time. If you love her that is all that matters. If she does someday tell you that this is true, fine. I wouldn't ask her though. Love is only love when it is unconditional, which I believe yours is, and the answer to such a question should be of no consequence.....so I wouldn't ask......well that is my advice. I hope this helped.

Denise

Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
2 posted 2000-02-21 02:57 PM


I agree 100 percent with Denise ....
Very good advice ......

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
3 posted 2000-02-21 05:23 PM


I would say if it did happen at all, to forget it! If it happened at all in her past then that is just what it is......PAST!

Look at her now, just like you've been doing. For what she is making out of herself, and let her know how proud you are of her for where she's come. And God Bless her and you!< !signature-->

 <*\\\><    

There's only two ways you can go...
One way you can save your riches,
And the other will save your soul.
Rich Mullins


[This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 02-21-2000).]

boo
New Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 7

4 posted 2000-02-21 11:46 PM


Hey,
   Ok I am completely understanding what you're feeling right now.  But let me say that just recently something very similar happened to me and I made the wrong decision and listened to people and deeply regreted breaking things off with him because I realize now that we had something very special and I shouldn't have listened to anything, even if it may have been true.  And now this person doesn't have much interest in coming back because of the decision I made.  If this helped at all then I'm happy.  I sure hope it did cause I've been there and wish I would have had a little advice.  Good luck.
          Boo

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