I found out late last night, that a girl from my school was killed in a car accident that morning. She was 17 years old. I never thought about the fact that it was the morning of Thanksgiving day until a friend of mine brought it up. I lost 2 friends in another accident, one of them i was very close to. It was devastating. It will be a year in December that it happened. There was also another accident right before school began this year, where another 16 year old girl was killed. When i found out about the accidents following the deaths of my two friends, i was relieved that i wasn't close to the girls that were killed. I feel guilty when i think like that, but its hard not to. It hurts enough knowing that they are gone, and I won't ever see them around school or hear them laughing with their friends. I think of everything they are missing, and of how their familys and friends are feeling, because i know what they are going through. I will be getting my liscense soon. But i'm so afraid to drive now, that im not sure i will ever want to. I saw the cars they were in, i felt the pain of losing them, i had dreams of them that scared me yet made me feel peaceful at the same time like they were still there with me. I found out at school the next morning that my friends were dead. People at school that were supposed to be my friends were using the whole thing as a way to get out of class. They acted like they cared to keep up their "reputations". Yet they laughed and joked as if nothing happened. I never had hated so many people as i did that day. I thought, well if they can act like they cared for my friends, maybe they will care if i died. I questioned god. I remembered laying in bed every night for weeks crying, and questioning the god that had taken my friends away. Why did he do it? Why did it have to be them? I said "i hate you" over and over again. I still question him. I thought constantly about death and the fact that you will never know who could be gone tomorrow, or an hour from now. I was obsessed with being a better person. To change how i was. That i would never judge another person again. The whole thing just tore me apart. But i eventually began to get over it... and now i'm deciding if i should be grieving over the death of this girl i knew but was never friends with. I just dont know what to do....