Member Rara Avis
Ok.... first, I didn't say love was something you had to force yourself to do.... if you read what I said, I said, (quote from my above post)
"Here's PART of my take on it.... Love is a verb. It is an action word. You have to force yourself to GIVE AND GIVE AND GIVE... that's all part of it... even if you don't feel like giving anything and have nothing to give."
When I said this, I didn't mean that love is always FORCED. Nor did I mean that it is ALWAYS giving when you don't feel like giving. That wasn't what I meant. What I said was, love is a VERB.... that's what I meant. It is an action word. It is something you DO, not just something you FEEL. It takes deliberate effort. (I guess "force" was a stronger word than I intended... "deliberately giving" was more what I meant. I really should write and edit before posting directly into this window! That way, I'll make sure I'll make sure I'm being clear and not using the wrong word off the top of my head.... this is a very important subject, as everybody knows.)
What Lost Dreamer described was infatuation. By definition.
This is what Lost Dreamer said: "it has this way of making your nerves go bonkers, making your emotions run around until your to dizzy to see straight. Everytime the phone will ring you will jump, as well when the doorbell rings. You'll start thinking of this person morning, noon, and night. Time will start going in slow motion as you await your next meeting."
This is the definition of "infatuation" from the American Heritage dictionary:
"in*fat*u*ate  (verb transitive) -at*ed; -at*ing
[Latin infatuatus, past participle of infatuare, from in- + fatuus fatuous]
First appeared 1533
1 : to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgment
2 : to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration
-- in*fat*u*a*tion (noun)"
To have nerves that are "bonkers" and to have your "emotions run around until you are dizzy" and to jump every time the phone or doorbell rings... THAT is the nervousness that is accompanied with infatuation, NOT with love. Love can START with infatuation. This is true. But, LD, you can't tell me you have these feelings about your husband if you have been married many years. Yes, you probably had them at first. If you were lucky, you got to ride that cloud nine for a few years.... 3 is the max according to most studies on this.
Love is something entirely different. It's not just more. It's DIFFERENT. Love is giving. It is WANTING to give... YES.... it is giving because you care and giving and giving and giving more and more of yourself. It is also forgiving. But it is certainly NOT frayed nerves or anxiety and heart palpatations from a telephone call! That is infatuation. Nobody can seriously tell me that they have heart palpitations and sweaty palms if they have been with a person any more than a couple of years.
Now, that's not to say that if your spouse or lover who you have been with for many years comes home after several days or an extended period of time away, that you would not be excited and anxious to meet him at the airport. When you are seperated from a person you LOVE for a time period which you aren't used to, you should certainly be looking forward to seeing him and hopefully excited about it.
You don't have the same sweaty hands EVERY day when he comes home from work though... because your infatuation is gone... it has disappeared.... it has grown and changed and you have gotten to know your spouse on a deeper level....
So.... here's the deal, IMHO. Love is a VERB. A VERB is the part of speech that means "action". It is an action word. You DO LOVE. You Make Love. You Give Love. Infatuation goes away. Love grows... but you have to nurture it. You have to feed it and give it fertilizer. Love is giving. Giving because you want to because you FEEL like giving. AND giving because you want to because you CARE for the other person... (you might NOT feel like it ALL the time.)
Probably most importantly, if you love someone, you are concerned about their needs. You care about their essence... about their life... about their feelings.... about what's good for them. The action word "love" means doing things for the welfare of the other person. It means assessing your spouse or lover's needs and being there to fulfill them. It means discovering all the idiocincrocies your spouse or lover has and ACCEPTING them as part of him. When you have mature love for a person, you understand that nobody is perfect. And you accept it.
Respect is a big part of it, too. And that's a verb, as well. Wait... i mean respect is the biggest part of it... oh geez, what DO I mean? LOL... love is a very big subject
To summarize, if someone has heart palpatations and sweaty hands for a spouse of many years.... they rarely blessed, indeed. Or else they have the flu.