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Seaangel
Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 167
Auckland, New Zealand

0 posted 1999-08-03 01:27 AM


I've been thinking about this on and off for a while... how do you get over losing someone you loved? so much that you are wounded and want to die?
how do you keep living and still offer your heart to the next person without letting your fear of losing them too overtake you?
I would love any suggestions from anyone.

© Copyright 1999 Angela King - All Rights Reserved
Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
1 posted 1999-08-03 03:15 AM


Oh man oh man oh man...My one true answer would have to be, time. Which is incredibly, if not impossible, for one to hear and accept while in the middle of all that pain. I can relate, and completely understand. I don't think I'll go into specifics about my personal experience, but I will say this: I'm going on my 8th month of losing someone. Not to death, mind you. I wanted to die and I felt horribly wounded. My one saving grace at that time, was my children. They were and always will be my drive, my purpose, if you will. It was my need to be whole, in order to care for them, that forced me to go on. And in time I started to heal on my own. To stand on my own. I'm still healing, but I have come a very long way over the last 8 months. And, honestly, I do not know if I'm ready to trust anyone yet. I do know that there will come a time in my life when I will allow myself to do so. Well, I've droned on long enough...I don't know if this helps, but I hope that it did.
Seaangel
Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 167
Auckland, New Zealand
2 posted 1999-08-06 01:22 AM


Thanks for the advice, satiate. Just gotta hang in there, I suppose.
JP
Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343
Loomis, CA
3 posted 1999-08-06 06:13 PM


"They" say that time heals all wounds... they just don't tell you that it does a pretty crappy job of it and usually leaves a nasty scar.

Poetry is the cure all for lost love, the ability to rant, rave, and emote through the written word can do wonders. That and a 40 ouncer.

------------------
Dum spiro, spero
JP



Alain DeLaCendres
Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119
Ohio
4 posted 1999-08-07 12:15 PM


"Time heals all wounds, and wounds all heels."

And I'd have to say JP hit it pretty close to home with that answer..though I suppose I should encourage no one to pick up a 40 ouncer, it does help, IF you know when enough is enough.
When three of my friends and my school bus driver all died within a week, that's how alot of us teenagers started the greiving process. We held a party in the honor of the dead, and all of us cried throughout the entire party, drunk and sober. Then the next few days after the party, we attended the funerals, and started our lives for the first REAL time without the four of them. It was hard, but we are all still here, and alive.
Sorry, I suppose I rambled a little to much..I cry your pardon..

[This message has been edited by Alain DeLaCendres (edited 08-07-99).]

Capulet[R+J]
Junior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 41
Calgary,Alberta Canada
5 posted 1999-08-07 09:07 PM


Hey, I was just reading your post, and I thought I would reply. I am going through my 6th month after the break up. Feb.1 is when it happend. We went out for 2 1/2 years, and she did it over the phone, out of the blue, and to this day, I still don't have a reason. I thought I was never going to get through those first few days. Minutes were hours, and days were weeks. But, I realized a few things in the past 6 months, that let me understand, and go on with my life. They are..
1. Never spend your time now, worrying about something that may never happen, because this is the time you can spend with a smile on your face. 2. Smile, because you don't know what tomorrow brings. 3. True love does exist, even if you lost what once you thought you had. 4. You never lose the best things in your life, because it means that something better is coming your way.
Honestly, what I did was cry, go for walks, and talk to God. I just let it all out, like I was talking to someone who was right there.
I swear to God, if I never did any of those things, I never would have felt this good.
I went out and had fun with my friends, I still do. I mean, why should you and I be sitting in the dark, wishing we could have it all back again, when they're probobly having fun. That's not how it works, we get up, smile, and just go with the ****'n flow.
All good things come to those who wait, and we go through this crap for a reason, its to make us stronger.

------------------
Love can be searched for in Infinity, Found within Eternity,.. Lost within Seconds..

Robin
Junior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 48
Cardiff, Wales, UK
6 posted 1999-08-10 02:02 PM


I only found my way into poetry because of this. It is such a fine way to spill yourself and find like minded people to understand.

Some time later, i wrote this,
Robin

Next Year’s Bloom

Battered blooms hanging by a bare spider’s web,
Amidst black-speckled leaves the rose is now spent,
A velvet red petal, its glory departed,
The lost lover lingers still seeking the scent.

Straight backed you walk through yesterday’s blooms,
Seeking the glory we once saw grow there,
But the visions are gone at the end of the summer,
Dead-headed stems and thorns that are bare.

Leaves tremble in breezes, unsure of the future,
As the last of the petals are blown from their place,
Just as I shook from the tremor I felt when you left me,
Fearing another flower now held my grace.

And still I had hope that a last bud would flourish,
So that once more our rose through the winter would grow,
But the cold of the season caused the whole bush to wither,
And icicle tears burned my face with their flow.

Now the black spot and canker have gone in the frost,
As droplets of ice bring forth beauty once more,
To the long thorny stems and the leaves that still flutter,
Until the greenest of new shoots appear like before.

Though thorns still remain there,
The new shoots grow strong,
And the new rose in bloom,
Is the end of the song.

traveler
Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119

8 posted 1999-08-20 03:48 PM


I am still struggling with it too ... still love her ... always will ... acceptance of what "is" and not what i wanted was the hardest part for me ...in time i may grow enough to love another ... maybe having the nerve to post some poetry will help ... one step at a time
Dana
New Member
since 1999-08-22
Posts 4
Ny
9 posted 1999-08-22 04:05 AM


Well, i'm only 16, so everyone just tells me you don't know what love is. And i hate that b/c i think i really do, well i know i do. I really don't have an answer to your question, but what i do know is that time help. I loved this guy for 3 years, well i still do. But what i have learned is that once you love someone you never do stop loving them. But w/ time the love that you have for that person becomes easier to control. Well i don't know if that helps you at all, but i thought i would try.
Julie
Senior Member
since 1999-08-20
Posts 739
Houston, TX
10 posted 1999-08-22 05:57 PM


My experience is that first you have to work on forgiving. Forgive the bad stuff, why you may have broken up, his/her short comings. Then forgive yourself for whatever part you think you may have played in contributing to the break up. Then acknowledge your responsibility you had in that relationship. Trying to have a new relationship while you are working on this is impossible and not fair to the second party. Doing this work will free your heart and soul for a new love. You will be able to fully give into the new relationship and will be more likely to find someone that can completely love and respect you.

------------------
Julie
-------------------------
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
Marianne Williamson

IsabelleSkye
Member
since 1999-06-27
Posts 253

11 posted 1999-08-27 08:24 AM


Love is a glorious thing!
Love is a heartbreaking thing!
I have been through so much this last year, that my heart has bruises all over it.
LOL Anyways, sometimes we are fortunate enough to experience real love. The type that leaves you breathless, wild of heart, passioned, and aching. I doubt everyone on earth has the opportunity to feel like that. It's rare and special, and worth the pain! Like one of my fav artists so aptly put "I'd give up forever to touch you". That's what true love should do to you anything else is less that you deserve. Now I have no answers for you, but I do have a question.. How do you get over NOT losing someone you love, even though you deserve to lose them?
I.Skye

------------------
"I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself,
than to be crowded on a velvet cushion."
.....Henry David Thoreau

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