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Cloud 9
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since 11-05-2004
Posts 988
Ca


0 posted 11-15-2004 04:49 PM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9


If you used to date someone from the past and its been years.....

You have your own life, married and have kids

Why does curiosity take the better of us. What makes us feel we need to go back and ask "why" or "settle the score?"
Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 10-12-2004
Posts 6334
Waukegan


1 posted 11-15-2004 08:31 PM       View Profile for Huan Yi   Email Huan Yi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Huan Yi

The inability to accept an unscripted
and perhaps unhappy ending.
kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 11-27-2003
Posts 991
nowhere special


2 posted 11-15-2004 11:04 PM       View Profile for kissa~rachelle   Email kissa~rachelle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kissa~rachelle

I dont know why...but i do wonder....The unknown drives people to do whatever they can jsut to know, and sometimes it is something stupid...I hope you figure it out..

Kissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

Cloud 9
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since 11-05-2004
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Ca


3 posted 11-16-2004 07:12 PM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

Thanks for the replies. I am actually asking for one of my friends whom is going through this. She isn't sure how to feels...if its right or wrong since she is married.
LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


4 posted 11-17-2004 10:29 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

I don't know what you mean by settle the score?  But if you mean revenge, then that's wrong....best to stay away...marriage is a sacred blessing...not to be tampered with.

Good Luck
Cloud 9
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since 11-05-2004
Posts 988
Ca


5 posted 11-17-2004 11:29 AM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

I don't mean settle the score as far as revenge. I mean settle it by trying to figure out what went wrong or maybe explain why things went wrong.
LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
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6 posted 11-17-2004 03:11 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Whewwww, Thanks for clearing the air...

well, a person's gotta do what they gotta do, but if it were me and I was married, I wouldn't even go there...
let sleeping dogs rest?
Cloud 9
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since 11-05-2004
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Ca


7 posted 11-17-2004 04:01 PM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

I guess it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, just a questions.

She had dated this guy for a couple of years and really loved him, then they broke up on bad terms. Years later met someone else and got married. They have had no contact for the past 7 years, so she called him just to see how he was. Still, it seemed there was amimosity there even after all this time. Maybe she feels guilty about just picking up the phone. Curiosity I guess.
Huan Yi
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since 10-12-2004
Posts 6334
Waukegan


8 posted 11-17-2004 09:33 PM       View Profile for Huan Yi   Email Huan Yi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Huan Yi

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum29/HTML/001736.html

LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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9 posted 11-18-2004 07:46 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

I was thinking about this and perhaps you could addess the issue this way...

First ask her how she would honestly feel if her hubby felt the same way?

Second, ask her if she would be able to discuss this with her hubby and ask his views and approval to meet this other gentleman....and would he like to go along.

If not?

Good luck and hugs

Huan Yi
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since 10-12-2004
Posts 6334
Waukegan


10 posted 11-18-2004 08:58 PM       View Profile for Huan Yi   Email Huan Yi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Huan Yi



"Second, ask her if she would be able to discuss this with her hubby and ask his views and approval to meet this other gentleman....and would he like to go along."


She better say no because
he will remember.


LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
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11 posted 11-22-2004 08:51 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

She better say no because
he will remember.


Precisely my point
Cloud 9
Senior Member
since 11-05-2004
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Ca


12 posted 11-23-2004 01:43 PM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

So what if he has cheated on her. Not that her intention is to cheat on him. She has been very faithful to him!!!
LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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13 posted 11-29-2004 01:23 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

oh boy, this is a loaded gun question

Depends on the person...so I'll speak for myself here...

Darlin, at my age, if I thought someone special enough to share life with him...as an us...and he cheated on me...I would leave him...without a doubt...

Two wrongs do not make a right, actually what he did, does not give her permission to do it, as well....it is deception, one of which there is no excuse for...and personally, it would be a great infidelity to self...

If your asking for a reason to approve this type of behavior, there is none.

But, this is my point of view...

Sometimes two people can work things out...maturely and with a great deal of patience and understanding....I've seen it done....people do make mistakes, they don't mean, and by God would never go there again...so, it depends on the two people involved....and I'm not advising anyone to leave their spouse...just vocalizing that I cannot deal with infidelity nor breaking trust.  Not at my age.  Smiles and hugs

JoshG
Member
since 11-16-2004
Posts 127
TX, USA


14 posted 11-29-2004 01:39 PM       View Profile for JoshG   Email JoshG   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JoshG

Amen... nicely said LeeJ
Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 10-12-2004
Posts 6334
Waukegan


15 posted 11-29-2004 08:39 PM       View Profile for Huan Yi   Email Huan Yi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Huan Yi

“So what if he has cheated on her. “

Then for her it is over
and something less
than what she thinks she may have had
before with another
has replaced it.

[This message has been edited by Huan Yi (11-29-2004 09:12 PM).]

LeeJ
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since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
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16 posted 11-30-2004 09:53 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

So what if he has cheated on her. “

Then for her it is over
and something less
than what she thinks she may have had
before with another
has replaced it.


Dear John, I believe I've answered this in my last post...what I would do, as I cannot tolerate infidelity...but it may not be the answer for someone else...but for certain....to cheat on a spouse, regardless of their actions against the marriage, there is no excuse for...it's a violation of trust...and once trust is broken...well, I couldn't go back....maybe ahead, it would depend on the spouse...one thing for certain....one thing to keep in mind, if he did it to me, then perhaps it wasn't the first time, and won't be the last?  Depends on the character of the person?  People do make mistakes....but I couldn't live like that.  I wouldn't.  NO if's and's or but's.  It would be over.
Magnus
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since 10-10-2001
Posts 14644
South Carolina, USA


17 posted 11-30-2004 07:19 PM       View Profile for Magnus   Email Magnus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magnus

I think that the decision should rest on
the answer to one question already posed...
and that is about the husband being told...

If there is concern about it,  because of
fear of anger or other emotions that can
surface....sometimes jealousy...amongst
others....

Sheesh,  bottom line with me is that if
the shoes were on the other foot...(HE
called a HER)  vice SHE called a HE....

How would you feel then?  

Good luck...my vote is leave it alone, let
it lie and die....
Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 10-12-2004
Posts 6334
Waukegan


18 posted 11-30-2004 07:32 PM       View Profile for Huan Yi   Email Huan Yi   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Huan Yi

Magnus,

I agree, there’s no going back.


Cloud 9
Senior Member
since 11-05-2004
Posts 988
Ca


19 posted 12-01-2004 11:24 AM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

LeeJ
Completely agree with you. Just a question. It's not like it takes a rocket scientist to figure it out, but sometimes people stay in hopes that it won't happen again.
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


20 posted 12-01-2004 11:35 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

ahhhh, yes, they do, and I know that particular senerio very well.  Also have known people who have worked it out...as I said, some people make serious mistakes and learn from them, never to repeat them, others don't.  

and yes, I know it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure things out...simply thought I was contributing to the conversation, as I love to share thoughts.

Magnus
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Member Laureate
since 10-10-2001
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South Carolina, USA


21 posted 12-01-2004 04:21 PM       View Profile for Magnus   Email Magnus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magnus

And you do it beautifully Lee...from the
heart of a woman who has walked many trails
in her years....

You contribute very well.
Cloud 9
Senior Member
since 11-05-2004
Posts 988
Ca


22 posted 12-01-2004 06:57 PM       View Profile for Cloud 9   Email Cloud 9   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cloud 9

I didn't mean that in a negative way what-so-ever. I love your comments, advice and your poems....



It's tough to make decisions like that but I think they will work on it!!!
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


23 posted 12-15-2004 07:48 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

I am wishing your friends the best...and hope all works out the way they would like it to...until then, it's been my pleasure sharing...thank you
 
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