Rewrite Afterglow triolet - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

0 posted 2006-10-07 11:05 AM

Ok, I have the syllable count correct, and line b v2 is in agreement with line b v1. is this better?

Afterglow

Illuminated by the afterglow
Of yet another moonlit illusion,
Where heart trails like a sleepy river flow.
Illuminated by the afterglow.

Light of lune, her ray soft fingers do show,
Tearing eyes drawn to their own conclusion,
Illuminated by the afterglow.
Of yet another moonlit illusion.

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-29

Posts 7115
South Africa

1 posted 2006-10-08 07:10 AM

I haven't a clue about form writing but they're both great and a pleasure to read!

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

2 posted 2006-10-08 09:50 AM

ty honeybunch! I keep getting differing answers to exactly what is involved. I know I have the lines correct, but what I am not sure of is the syllable count. My reference says there is no defined syllable count, and now I am told that it should be 8 syllables, whereas this has 10 and I would be incorrect again. I think it is time I ask in another forum.

My problem with patterns is that I think content should always be of preference. Or maybe I am just justifing laziness!!! egad!

Thank you for your words anyway. They matter more than meter and line count!

Sandra

Triskaidekaphobia
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...

3 posted 2006-10-08 03:00 PM

I too like both of your Afterglow triolets and as you say it is very difficult to know what is "right" when it comes to form writing. I believe triolets are written in iambic tetrameter.

My personal approach is to read the rules and then utterly ignore them. After all, that is how many of the forms must have arisen in the first place. Besides I'm lazy. :lol

Some advice from George Bernard Shaw.
“The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.”

"The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun."

One God by The Beautiful South

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

4 posted 2006-10-08 04:18 PM

You have my admiration for attempting this...I'm not brave enough yet. Nice job. ......jo

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

5 posted 2006-10-08 04:21 PM

I love both of them
and I'm not brave enough
to try it either...
good work Sandra

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

6 posted 2006-10-08 11:21 PM

Trisk! thank you! I think I will take your advice, and anyone attempting to sway me will get a hearty "Trisk says I can!"

Sandra

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

7 posted 2006-10-08 11:23 PM

Jo,
I read this is the simplest of form writings. I think not!

In truth it was kind of fun.

Sandra

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

8 posted 2006-10-08 11:24 PM

Kate,
I can't imagine you being afraid to try anything! You rock!

Sandra

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.