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Open Poetry #38
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A SAD DAD IN JAIL
| Open Poetry #38 |
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A SAD DAD IN JAIL |
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Tom Zart Senior Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 682 |
A SAD DAD IN JAIL They put me in prison for the deed I've done, For I killed the drunk driver who crippled you, son. Your mother, my wife, she died in that wreck. That's the other reason I broke that man's neck. His dad was in congress and pulled lots of strings, So well connected he could do many things. I live in this hellhole with all sorts of men; I’m sure glad most like me and call me their friend. The food here is so awful, I've lost many pounds. I'd rather feast on the vittles the guards toss the hounds. At night we play cards and you don't dare cheat; For if you get caught, you’ll be stomped on by feet. Most our inmates have some sort of knife, To help out their odds in a fight for their life I took me a padlock and snapped it on a chain, Then hid it in my pant-leg to keep from being slain. I get to see you on our family day; The worst part about it, is when you cry as you play. Many times you question, "dad, when can you leave?" As the tears from your eyes drop to my sleeve. Our visit is now over as they wheel you away, I whisper, "I love you" and you see what I say. It's time to go back to my one-room, shared cell And try to write a song about a sad dad in jail. By Tom Zart [This message has been edited by Tom Zart (06-05-2006 07:42 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Tom Zart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
Hi Tom It doesn't do anything for me. I mean no disrespect, I'm just voicing my thoughts. The rhyming turns me off to the whole thing as well. The rhyming is somewhat clichéd in my opinion. And is it totally necessary to put: "By Tom Zart Author of LOVE WAR AND MORE" I just think it's a little pretentious, that's all. Like I said, I'm not trying to step on your toes or annoy you, lol. And if I didn't welcome you to PiPs, then, welcome. Cheers - Ed I'm not smart, I'm just a tricky dumb person. |
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Tom Zart Senior Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 682 |
Thank you fur your reply. |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
It's certainly a heart breaker Tom. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Actually, I read this twice, and the simplicity of the construction didn't turn me off--in fact, it reminded me of folk songs--and the strong impact that such can have on our culture. It is such simply constructed rhythms that hold our unwritten history in fact.) In short, it was reminiscent to me, of the late great Johnny Cash. Sometimes a bunch of quatrains with a beat and a message is all you need. (Read it again, Ed Grimm, and think of a Boy Named Sue--same beat, same style, eh? although it may be very likely that Mr. Cash didn't do it for you either--nevertheless, classics are sometimes birthed simply. If you prefer a more educated example, think Rubiyat--the beauty of Rubiyat is that each quatrain is a complete poem in and of itself--which is something to which we all should aspire in story poems.)  I'll shaddup tho.I enjoyed this Tom. p.s. I was gonna say I didn't care for the title--but then, I hated the title of "A Boy Named Sue" too.  |
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