stop and take in life (edited)

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Open Poetry #38

stop and take in life (edited)

lokiwolf
Junior Member

since 2006-06-27

Posts 31

0 posted 2006-06-29 10:08 PM

I come to a stream
With a sandy shore
A single sun beam,
I feel this is my core

Autumn leaves
Blanket the land
And a cool breeze
Scatters the sand

And I see
If I stand and look
That maybe I am free
listening to the brook

If I stop
And explore
I can get to the top
And I'll see much more

So maybe the breeze
Wispered in my ear
And the autumn leaves
Showed me what else I can hear

[This message has been edited by lokiwolf (06-30-2006 01:44 PM).]

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2006-06-29 10:41 PM

I enjoyed this read very much Holly!
And as for your reply to my 'suffrage yet' post, it is about Kuwaiti women voting today, for the first time.

lokiwolf
Junior Member

since 2006-06-27

Posts 31

2 posted 2006-06-29 10:43 PM

oh, ok
I understand now, thanks

Poetic Concept
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 66
God's Fingerprint

3 posted 2006-06-29 10:49 PM

I think this was nice kind of boring for a poem, imagery was wonderful but your word choice wasnt right to me in my opinion I think that without good word choice a poem can become "stale" extremely fast...anyways I think that u have some potential just keep writing...I enhjoy your style enormously...good luck elevation is the key

Return the favor on Valentines

"How vain it is to sit down and write when u have not stood up to live"
Anonymous (Unknown)

lokiwolf
Junior Member

since 2006-06-27

Posts 31

4 posted 2006-06-29 10:51 PM

I agree you with you but I found it hard to find good discriptive ryming words

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