»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #37
»
A Puzzle to Feel
| Open Poetry #37 |
|
A Puzzle to Feel |
|
|
Broken Member
since 2000-03-12
Posts 271The woods 
|
A PUZZLE TO FEEL It's in the disruption Of a laugh from a child It's in the corruption Of misty eyes that was mild It's in the rainfall On the clearest day It's in the mystic gall Hushing the lark in May Do you know what it is? The hidden wedge in your soul What you fear and never miss That keeps you from feeling whole |
||
| © Copyright 2006 Jay Hartson - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
poettothecars Senior Member
since 2006-02-10
Posts 1093New Zealand |
The last stanza is almost perfect, while the rest I believe could have been more careful in the way they were thought out. You have the idea for the poem, but have not been able to discover the correct pattern to get your words to flow. The rhyme appears to be rhyme for the sake of rhyme. So therefore the rhythm is being forced to match up, just for the reason of being a rhyme with the previous key word. I am sure you have the potential to write good and far better poems. This one also looks ugly in its visual way the words and lines of each verse merge |
||
|
FaBeLy New Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 7Querètaro, Mèxico |
Hi! I`m of the one`s that think that not every poem have to be written with rhyme... the message and feelings, the form that a poem makes you reflect is more valid than that... I`m not an expert, but that`s what I think Life is a dream, while death is the awaken |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
