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Open Poetry #37
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Statues of Men
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Statues of Men |
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Dominique-Simone Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643
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If tomorrow had statues of lovers lost They would gauntly be displayed upon my wake As I bow to their discomfort Rigid, erect Saluting with hard bodies, grayed with dishonestly And I’d just laugh a little Poses, so dainty a man might quake with disgust My living room would not hold them So, to pay my penance I will donate this knowledge To the local art museum Challenging any questions of cruelty Alive they were kings in many maidens’ beds As I sat alone as a queen often does Powerful with stern smiles Curiously exposing the longing Of my simple lips But I have killed them now |
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| © Copyright 2006 Page McKay - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
If tomorrow had statues of lovers lost They would gauntly be displayed in my wake As I bow to their discomfort Erect, rigid Saluting with hard bodies, grayed with dishonestly And I’d just laugh a little Poses, so dainty a man might squirm with disgust My living room would not hold them So, to pay my penance I will donate this knowledge To the local art museum Challenging any questions of cruelty Alive they were kings in many maidens’ beds As I sat alone as a queen Often does Powerful with stern smiles A longing curiously exposed On marble lips .............................. The last line you had is dead weight... John |
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Dominique-Simone Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643 |
I apprecaite your critique, However if I wrote the way you just did then It would no longer be mine... |
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weepingwillow Junior Member
since 2006-01-09
Posts 33Sin City-Las Vegas |
Nice poem...And yes if you changed the poem it woul not be yours... |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
It's a good poem Dominique. I like it the way it is. |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
It's still your poem, ( I could never write it). The suggestions were intended only to enhance the flow. And the last line you had speaks for itself. John |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Awesome write, Page!  ...jo |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
I believe that the poem has a lot within it, just the thought of comparing lovers to statues that now stand in the wake of a woman who certainly must not think highly of men in general....those untrustworthy cusses, huh? .... I might even come up with a thought or two regarding my own version of this..... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Excellent write, just the way it is!!  Much enjoyed. Hugs~Nancy In the midst of winter, |
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Dominique-Simone Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643 |
Thanks again everyone. I am glad there are some of you who have enjoyed it |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Poses, so dainty a man might quake with disgust My living room would not hold them So, to pay my penance I will donate this knowledge To the local art museum Challenging any questions of cruelty Lady, this was confident, wise, not cruel, just you accepting things as there are... You display much wisdom and patience...along with a great understanding... loved this emensely!!!!! |
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Dominique-Simone Senior Member
since 2005-11-12
Posts 643 |
Thank You LeeJ...Your words mean a lot to me. I am very glad you enjoyed this piece. |
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