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Open Poetry #36
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DejaEntendu
Member
since 2005-12-06
Posts 82
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2006-01-05 07:20 AM


The piano plays on,
its keys vacant,
your spirit is still present,
why does it torture me so?

Any thoughts/opinions are welcome.

© Copyright 2006 G Rapp - All Rights Reserved
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
1 posted 2006-01-05 09:20 AM


I love this, it is nice and tight.

Packs a punch and I got exactly what you were trying to convey, rather what I took from it for myself.

You would be good at the senyru . . .


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
2 posted 2006-01-05 11:19 AM


Deja~

Oh yes ... a clear word-picture you've brush stroked for us~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*No matter what I search for ...
let me know when it is LOVE that I find*~ <))><

Email -           noles1@totcon.com     

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
3 posted 2006-01-05 11:33 AM


With an economy of words you were able to set the scene, create a mood, and fill this reader with emotion! Well done!

Love & Light,
Earth Angel

DejaEntendu
Member
since 2005-12-06
Posts 82
Pennsylvania
4 posted 2006-01-05 02:59 PM


Thank you for all of your comments, glad I could spark an emotion- and I also tried a senyru as you reccomended.
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