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silverwind
Junior Member

since 2005-12-07

Posts 37
that place over there

0 posted 2005-12-12 05:27 PM

Just a scattering of old records
lying on floorboards bare
and my eye is drawn to a corner,
the stereo once stood there.
The dining room is empty
where the table once stood proud
and I recall the intimate dinners
even those that were somewhat loud.
I try to smile at the memories
but I can't seem to cross that line
because my heart is just as empty,
as these empty rooms of mine.
They echo at every footfall
they mock my every step,
these empty rooms of mine
filled with memories I can't forget.
I look to where the couch one graced
a room designed for us
but now that's just a memory too,
covered with layers of dust.
Slowly as I climb the stairs
to the empty rooms above
I linger momentarily,
at the places we often made love.
I glance quickly in the bathroom
and recall those happy hours
spent in exploration,
sharing many intimate showers.
As I step into our bedroom
I see my soul in the dusty gloom
for it was here that my every secret
was for her, an open room.
Dust and echoes now reside
in this shell that was my life
among memories bittersweet
of a very absent wife.

silverwind

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

1 posted 2005-12-12 07:19 PM

SilverWind~
So melancholic this penning of the heart~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*No matter what I search for ...
let me know when it is LOVE that I find*~ <))><

Email - noles1@totcon.com

IcyFlamez89
Member

since 2003-02-14

Posts 292
Jersey City NJ

2 posted 2005-12-12 07:24 PM

some of the ryhmes seem a bit forced and I found the flow of the poem halted by certain punctuations and breaks, but the overall work felt genuine, plucking the heart and soul.

The last line is amazing, perfectly tieing everything in painful beauty.

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

3 posted 2005-12-12 11:10 PM

you heart expresses quite well

My spirit will rise
above the sea~
There will be no drowning
of my soul or me~

soul drifter
Senior Member

since 2004-09-08

Posts 711
Colorado

4 posted 2005-12-13 12:44 PM

Wonderful...the imagery well-crafted.

Reminded me a little of Tunnel of Love-era Bruce Springsteen. Like that album, the emotion and bare details is spot on.

"The moon ain't romantic, it's intimidating as hell". -- Tom Waits, 'Bad Live and a Broken Heart'

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

5 posted 2005-12-13 02:21 AM

Great title and elaboration. It is like that...

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