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Open Poetry #35
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Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2005-04-10 02:49 PM


Such is the spring rain to you
As you look up to the blue
Kissing the tears like elixir
As evenmore... you hurt her.

And I? I am no better.
I told her in a letter

Like her life, she threw it away
And knew what the stories would say

And us? we will never be.
Like the moon and stars you see
Millions of light years apart
The tragity of the art
Illusions cruel Fantacy
I refuse hypocracy

So you'll watch through the window
The steps I take when I go...

Juju

[This message has been edited by Juju (04-12-2005 07:34 PM).]

© Copyright 2005 Juju - All Rights Reserved
DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

1 posted 2005-04-11 02:26 PM


I like this

It is woven and a spell checker would help but the meaning is in the vision and the words

and you have talent

Dave

Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
2 posted 2005-04-11 04:37 PM


Thank you. If you find errors tell me so I can change them.
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
3 posted 2005-04-11 08:53 PM


What do you mean by woven? I looked it up and I thought it was a bad thing, but the difenition, isn't bad thing for poems.

Juju

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
4 posted 2005-04-12 02:03 AM


Enjoyed...James
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
5 posted 2005-04-12 02:20 AM


Thank you!


Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

adagio
Member
since 2005-03-19
Posts 449
Marrero, La.
6 posted 2005-04-12 01:09 PM


I liked it. I too sometimes have trouble with spelling so what.


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
7 posted 2005-04-12 04:44 PM


Juju, spell checking your poem is simple enough if you use a Word or even WordPerfect program. Spelling is an important part of poetry - especially for us picky readers who cringe when we see misspelled words.  It draws our thoughts away from the poem, and we miss the beauty of the words that you are attempting to portray.

If you are typing it straight to the screen, and are unsure of a word, scroll up, and Ron has provided Dictionary.com.

Sometimes, however, we aren't aware that a word is misspelled.  A good practice is to type your poem in Word or WordPerfect or other such programs, run a spell check, and then copy and paste your poem into the new topic page.

With spell-check, here is your poem again:

quote:
Such is the spring rain to you
As look up to the blue
Kissing the tears like elixir
As evenmore... you hurt her.

And I? I am no better.
I told her in a letter

Like her life, she threw it away
And knew what the stories would say

And us? we will never be.
Like the moon and stars you see
Millions of light years apart
The tragedy of the art
Illusions cruel Fantasy
I refuse hypocrisy

So you'll watch through the window
The steps I take when I go...


And yes, I enjoyed your weaving of words, as well.

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
8 posted 2005-04-12 04:45 PM


enjoyed
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
9 posted 2005-04-12 05:28 PM


Thank you for your replies. I will make the changes in a bit.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

netsky
Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148
Miami
10 posted 2005-04-12 06:41 PM


Yeah, it's a nice poem.

Many, myself included cannot spell reliably. It's not a character flaw but it does spoil good poems for many readers for the reasons well stated above.

Keep up the great ideas, Juju.  I like your inventive spirit.  Nothing -broken- about you

cheers,
net/reid

Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
11 posted 2005-04-12 07:35 PM


Thank you,

Juju

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