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Open Poetry #34
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RedStoneEB
Senior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 772
uk

0 posted 2004-11-01 04:10 AM




Memories haunt the waking hours of summer’s morn
painting images of sorrow into the beauty given frame
the mirror only shows you what you want to see
reflecting ghosts that once had lifes and families

Each step taken aimed towards death on the rivers of hell
there my body shall sink roasted on the flames down below
and devils grant feast upon my fresh stripping me of goodness
leaving me disfigured and in regret evil portrayed within

Ones that died before rest their head upon my mind
thumping the pillow causing me pain and grief inside
death comforting my side stained with sickening blood
waiting for permission to drain me dry and gain a new tattoo

Evil spirits shall laugh at this spirit within the human suit
but all I see is angels beating their wings whispering forgiveness
pulled against the tide of evil sins swallowing the good
and when the time my eyes close and open never again
one question lingers in mind did I lose to the memories?

© Copyright 2004 Lee Hepworth - All Rights Reserved
Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
1 posted 2004-11-01 05:49 AM


"one question lingers in mind did I lose to the memories?"


This needs to be clearer.

John

DavePage
Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917

2 posted 2004-11-01 12:55 PM


The question is the aim as far as I am concerned.

Is it that you wrote for effect, or that you wrote for reject.

Words we write at times often seem like a basement tape.

Talent is there, words are there, aim is missing.

Can I politely ask whether some addition was present.

Dave

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
3 posted 2004-11-01 04:13 PM


but all I see is angels beating their wings whispering forgiveness

When the light is present, as it is in these lines, all the rest fades.

Love, Margherita

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