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DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

0 posted 2004-10-28 03:07 PM

Whitening
An old shore
Decorating
Ambition
On a barren
Flow
Of small insular patterns
Flowed and ebbed
To dirty wet sand
To move from

Weather
Echoing honesty
Protection
Revenge
Or whether
One will destroy
Or actions
Will educate or destroy the whethers
Tucked into winds, torrents, loss
That will never penetrate
The escape
After you have the money
And have bought you way
To whatever
Whether unto tidy havens
World never enters
Nor ends

Emanating from essence
You identify crux

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2004-10-29 01:55 PM

nicely done... I enjoyed...

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

2 posted 2004-10-29 03:07 PM

Thanks Cpat Hair

I read it again several times and even with knowing what I meant when I wrote it, it is still cryptic for me and almost as if I was writing something that wrote words with mine.

I need to rewrite this or possibly as a worst case, understand everything I've written.

Dave

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2004-10-29 03:25 PM

I opt for understanding...
this inner voice is speaking...
you are the conduit.

Whether or not
it's all about weather...

I enjoyed this, Dave...

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

4 posted 2004-10-29 03:37 PM

Sunshine

I dont know about the weather or whether but electric is I think making a channel.

Dave

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

5 posted 2004-10-29 04:40 PM

I find when some write's are not completely understandable. Most of the time your real close. But like re-entry, if you don't hit it right. You end up reflecting off, traveling in another direction. going deep into our inner thoughts usually requires meanings that most words are just not able to explain properly. That's why a poem like this is so intriguing. Most readers know where you might be going. But more so, they know where you are...and the over-all meaning can be universal. Nice pen here Dave.

wayne

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

6 posted 2004-10-29 06:20 PM

Thanks Wayne

I'd still by the I knew what I was writing but it came out.

Yes I will work on it and words of a second verse are starting to dance, but please dont queue up at the BBC.

dave

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