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Open Poetry #33
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Contradicted Heart
| Open Poetry #33 |
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Contradicted Heart |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going 
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Underdone, in transition between thought to thought of nothing more than realizations of lacking within a longing soul. hard-pressed and unbelievable plagueing and consuming continually ruining a contradicted heart not wanting to love yet continually giving and longing for embarrassed yet aware writing words of love, words of care for anyone willing to accept yet words are never returned. Would i ever be written about? thats all i've really wanted. the pen shall not be discouraged continually writing words as gifts never written in expectance of being returned. (a free verse that was written in spare time. Not the best write so i'd appreciate feedback on how this can be made better. I hope you enjoy. nice use of muffin |
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| © Copyright 2004 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
this is the kind of stuff i tend to write when im just penning in my free time.. kind of just going with it, i guess.. as it may prove to be quite useful in having these visions into yourself that you manifest into writing.. perhaps you could give it pictures? this is something that i am still trying to do myself.. to try and put a face on the poem that you can see.. it would do well to consider the inclusion of well thought -out metaphorical descriptions ? (im not usually a critique- er, but you asked for it) :hp |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Liked what EagleScorpion wrote. There is nothing wrong with the free verse, but thoughts carried to paper in this way can sometimes seem disjointed...unfinished. Write your feelings, in all the colors and textures...free verse is art, and thoughts like this are an art to convey. Liked the content. TD |
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