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Down Hill
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Down Hill |
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Cmooch New Member
since 1999-12-20
Posts 5 |
Im 17 yrs old- My mind has total control- Taking a heavy toll from me, my body and soul- Leave me alone!- This curse won't change it's written in stone- But I'm fighting it so hard that my seams are coming unsown- God give me a loan, to get me out of this debt- I gambled on life and lost the bet- I'm falling fast without a safety net- Lord press reset and let me start again- I wouldn't do wrong and sin- I'd try to be strong and win- What happened to "Through thick and thin"?- And why am I crying ashamed and hiding- Feeling pain theres no discribing- Am I growing or slowly dying?- I'm surviving, but I don't deserve this- Mentally disturbed and feeling deserted- So I write rhymes that are deeply worded- I'm a Hypochondriac with a social disorder- I'm not fully paranoid, but I'm on the boarder- My brain is chained in horror- I can't forget how people I know act like they don't know me- I hate what the world has shown me!- I live life day to day slowly- I'm doing fine by myself, really I am- I don't need any friends, I'll be damned- If I depend on someone else to stand- I only plan for a hand to stab me in the back- It must be from the self esteem I lack- I can't take any more I want to even the score. Wheres the Mac? chours: Things are going down hill, ya' hear?- It's a hard icy road, it's clear,- Nobody even knows I'm there- My flow is my only flare- To let people know I'm here- Things aren't the same as they use to be- Day by day I'm loosing me- I'm more useless than a piece of jewlery- You aren't fooling me, because I fool myself- Anything you can do for me I can do myself- F*ck you I don't need your help- Keep your wealth- I'm going to get my own- Whether rapping or pointing the chrome- F*ck friends, I'm gonna do it alone- There's an emptyness inside, I close my eyes and wish it go away- I'm tired of pretending that things are going to be ok- Change won't come fast enough- I see kids laughing it up when I pass- My ex slut's talking trash, acting tough- I write rhymes to keep me in the right state of mind, help me unwind- I'm stressed out eighty percent of the time- Things aren't fine, but I lie to my self and pretend that they are- Trapped behind invisable bars- Mentally and physically scarred- Times are hard and getting harder- The demons inside are getting smarter- Steaming with anger, feeding of me alive and getting broader!- (chours) |
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| © Copyright 2000 Cmooch - All Rights Reserved | |||
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
csmooch: well, first i have to say that i didn't care for some of the language that was used... but getting past that i think this is a fairly successful poem... was this written as a song (due to the chorus)?... i also think that there is a slight over-abundance of cliche phrases and ideas in this work ("I'm falling fast without a safety net" & "Things are going down hill" & "Times are hard and getting harder")... these aren't necessarily bad lines, but i feel that the cliche of the wording detracts from the actually depth of meaning you probably intended them to have... sincerely, jerome the mysterious priest A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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TanAngel Member
since 2000-02-01
Posts 168Oviedo, Florida, USA |
I don't know what poetry_kills is getting at but I thought it was great. It was really deep, I am pretty much speechless. Well I hope to see you more around the boards!! "Dreams are not a reality, no matter how much we wish"-TanAngel |
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