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Open Poetry #31
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Sestina Challenge
| Open Poetry #31 |
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Sestina Challenge |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
The girl sits still looking at the floor. She’d look anywhere to avoid her mother’s eyes. That lost, lonely look that she always finds inside is too much for a little girl to bare and so she clutches her hands together and stares at the cracks and the gap through layers and layers of thickened air. She listens to the air as she counts the lines along the floor and tries to lift her eyes up to surpass the gap. But, the air is too heavy for a little girl’s eyes and she only lifts them up enough to reach her mother’s hands. Even that amount of effort makes her shake, scared inside. Her mother always lied about what was inside her mind and filled her days with fantasies like artificial air that they breath in and choke on and fall onto their hands. The little girl cries as she falls onto the floor and crawls away to escape from the sting of her mother’s eyes. But, she forgets about the cracks and falls into the massive gap. Her mother stands above the gap and reaches her hands out to the girl inside. But, the girl can’t look up into those eyes and can only hide away below as her mother’s cries and pleadings fill the air. Her only safety is the floor and she stays there with her head in her hands. She cannot bare to pull away to reach for her mother’s hands because safety begs her not to change and not to try to close the gap. Her mother now rests on the floor her tears running into the hole and filling it up inside. The little girl screams for her mother to stop the pain from her eyes because she’s drowning down here; but her words only reach air as her mother cries on forgetting why, but liking how the air listens to her and carries her voice and she pushes herself up with her hands. Mother wipes at her eyes and washes her face clean from the water in the gap. She smiles down at the beautiful lake and her reflection that shines inside and brushing off the dust, wonders at her behavior lying on a floor. The mother’s heels click across the floor and she focuses her eyes on all the happy thoughts inside her head swinging her hands and leaving behind the water-filled gap as her laughter fills the air. [This message has been edited by Endlessecho (02-05-2004 04:03 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Endlessecho - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big angel hugs) This is soooooooo beautifully heartfelt, sweet friend, this sestina made me cry as it is sooooooo beautiful and it made me relieved to see the girl enlightened, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "You'll find something that's enough to keep you |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Echo, This is really, really good! I love the way you used air and the cracks in the floor in this throughout... I'm not familiar with the characteristics of a sestina, but I liked this and would like to know more about writing them. I enjoyed this a lot. ~Sadelite |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Me thinks you have done rather well with this sestina....good write, good story, nice poem. |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
i commented already, but i'll put it here as well: *APPLAUSE* for a hard job well done!  |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
Thank you very much all of you! Noah - You're words were so kind. Thank you. Sadelite - in Poetry Challenge board Eor has a challenge to write a Sestina. You should try - I'd love to read your work. Warning you though - it's an undertaking I don't think I'll try again for a long time!  |
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