"one of those identity poets"

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7
Member

since 2000-04-26

Posts 113
Amherst, MA, USA

0 posted 2004-02-18 04:50 AM

NOTE: this was written intended to be read at a specific open mic nite at a specific college in a specific room... i'm hoping the ideas in it can still be essentially universal. let me know if it doesn't make any sense because of the obscure references.

one of those identity poets
2/17/4

never read your own poems aloud
is one of my rules
because I get up here
holding a piece of paper
and it trembles even more than my voice
they tremble each other
leaves in the trees
(damn what a lame metaphor)
I try not to look into the eyes
of the first row, always staring
straight up
I try not to look at Christian
because I don’t want to be
“one of those identity poets, you know”
maybe I shouldn’t single someone out
better to acknowledge that I’m
speaking to a crowd
one large body
in the form of 25, 34, 47, 52, 68?
these open mics can get huge
everyone wants to hear those
trained practiced or gifted readers
who breathe breaths at
alliterative moments
enunciating just the right syllables
to draw pictures with their mouths
I always breathe between words
I never meant to breathe between

I’m filing for div 3 in the fall
I got here last year and
everyone always forgets I transferred
will anyone be surprised when I leave
a year earlier than they expected?
I confess I’ve only been to two
open mic nights at Hampshire
last time I left in tears
(yeah, sorry I said “tears”)
I couldn’t even stay to appreciate how crisp and clean all those
steady-handed veterans’ voices resonated
as they poked at the air with hip, decisive pointed fingers
the dim lights enclosed around my wobbly stool and
I was in the front of the room, on the right
your right right now,
next to that pool table,
and none of you was looking at me but I knew you could see right through
through my shaking fingers to my shaking veins
holding back my shaking blood
blood that couldn’t decide which direction to flow like
at this moment I can’t pick which words to breathe between

this is all about me
I guess I’m one of those
identity poets
this is the 22nd “I” in this poem
I can’t think of anything else
but myself
because I’m with her all day
but she doesn’t trust me enough
she doesn’t like the sound of my voice
she doesn’t like to play with it
the same way she plays with my hands
steadily speedily writing words
knowing she can fix them later
you can’t change what you just said
you can say it again
you can only say it again
you can only say
it
again

I’m boycotting proctor and gamble
but that’s not at all a challenge
because I spent my last dollar on
a Hershey bar and a stamp
(note to self: check if P and G owns
Hershey and or the postal service)
for three days the last dollar was tacked to my wall with
“my last dollar” written on it
I ate the food my parents bought me at saga
and I didn’t smoke any pot
well, not my own anyway
I want to be like Thoreau
and eat only the beans I grow
in a little patch of dirt
by Walden pond
three summers ago
I saw my reflection for the first time in
the clear glass
on a six am bike ride
six miles to Walden pond
whose name we changed

puny is drawing fairies in my sketchbook
she’s not afraid of what the audience will hear
when she reads her drawings aloud
I hope I can use my shaking voice
to my advantage
allisony came in
sat in the bowl chair
and said “I feel like I’m drowning”
“I’m so glad it’s February 17th,” I said
“that means February is way more than half over
February is the worst month
February was short this year, don’t you think?”

no i will NOT wait three seconds!

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

1 posted 2004-02-18 05:01 AM

Dude, its definitely universal...
not only can it stand alone,
but I think it could hold several others up with it!
I felt like I was there,
and thats a good thing.
I love this,
I can't wait to hear more of your stuff...

Always, Alyssa

He was a man of sorrows
...I am a girl of tears.

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

2 posted 2004-02-18 05:37 AM

I felt I was there, too. Enjoyed this. Your topic is so unique!
Sadie

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

3 posted 2004-02-18 07:02 AM

7
The poem makes sense to the reader (at least this one) in all the places that it should

Stanza 2 is more like narrative prose, something like I look for in a good novel
example>
"I was in the front of the room, on the right
your right right now,
next to that pool table,
and none of you was looking at me but I knew you could see right through
through my shaking fingers to my shaking veins
holding back my shaking blood
blood that couldn’t decide which direction to flow like
at this moment I can’t pick which words to breathe between"

btw, I have found it very important to read my own poems over and over , outloud, to see how the flow is doing..even then certain emphasis on words that you as a writer make are hard to stress with puctuation....do it anyway, eventually if you can read it and not stumble, so will your reader..

all and all the piece is good, a little long, if you want to prune it a liitle you would not lose any of the message..

enjoyed ______ice
><>

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

4 posted 2004-02-18 10:38 AM

I really like this... especially the ending and the matching trembles of voice and hands. *S* Well done!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

5 posted 2004-02-18 10:51 AM

7
Easy and good to read, enjoyed

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2004-02-18 10:57 AM

I couldn’t even stay to appreciate how crisp and clean all those
steady-handed veterans’ voices resonated
as they poked at the air with hip, decisive pointed fingers

~*~

Univeral, for sure...

Thank you for this!

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

7 posted 2004-02-18 10:58 AM

I liked...in fact enjoyed very much...I read my own aloud in my head, not to my ears, but to myself nevertheless, and when they 'read' right, they are finished...and lol I am probably one of 'those' poets too...I used too many I's......

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

8 posted 2004-02-18 11:11 AM

Read aloud or not this piece just rocks and I enjoyed it very much.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

9 posted 2004-02-18 12:53 PM

yep, understood and related to well

Bonnie j
Senior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 1588
Ohio

10 posted 2004-02-18 01:32 PM

I joined a writers forum about a year and a half ago.The first time I was invited to read. My knees were shaking so bad I thought if I had to stand much longer I would fall down.
I can relate.
Bon-Bon