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Teen Poetry #7

ME- my poem

Barbara
Junior Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 32

0 posted 2004-02-17 02:57 PM

I`m resentful; even foolish sometimes.
There`s nothing in my world,
That you could understand.
I`m a person who thinks too much.
You don`t understand,
That I live for sad moments;
Even know; for happy to,
But for first I can write songs.
Songs are the precious thing
In the world of my thoughts.
You live only for enjoying moments.

You`re not the ideal man of my dreams,
You can`t resent me that,
For telling you these,
But I tooked you for my friend,
So I hope you`ll understand.

There`s something little wring with me,
But I cannot tell you what it is.

Don`t ask me about it,
Don`t even mention it; never-ever!
It`s thist time,
I was down…
I wanted to die.
You still don`t know,
You `ll never know.
Even for the person who knows it,
It`s hard to breath it every day.
You see me smiling,
But you don`t see the pain.

In some way,
you made me push it away,
but with every word you bring it back.
It`s just a feeling but it almost cost my life.

But it`s not about you,
My friend.
And it`s not hes favlt,
He is understaning, hes my dear, sweet friend.
But there`s something more,
Cannot be explained,
So don`t remind me of that,
`cause I will live.

It`s hard when I`m down
And when I write this song,
Looking myself in a mirrow…
Thinking, am I taking
My life in a right way?
Or it`s just a secret path,
That I follow…?

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-02-18 01:22 PM

a few lines in it were good. this just sounds too much like a journal. it had no rhythm to it, no rhyming, no metaphors, similie. this is the typical stuff around here. people have to start getting creative about poetry. wow, that sounded alot harsher than i meant. this is mediocre work. this is the caliber of most people around here. try some new things out. go out on a limb with imagery and metaphors, your writing will improve greatly. i'm looking forward to seeing you improve!!
-alex

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