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Ixxi
Member

since 2004-01-02

Posts 77
England

0 posted 2004-02-15 08:25 AM

This is my time alone.

This is the way I want to feel.

These words are only windows.

You're looking inside.

You don't know me.

I don't know you.

This is my time alone.

This is nobody else's pain.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2004-02-15 04:07 PM

When I first started reading I must admit I was a bit bored. But the last line made all the difference.
I think you should/ could expand on this.
Alone where, to do what?
How do you want to feel?
It's all a bit vague.
I see potential though...
~Lex

Snickers123
Member

since 2004-05-07

Posts 94
United States-Iowa

2 posted 2004-08-12 11:14 AM

I agree with the last post, it was a decent write though, hope to hear more!!

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

3 posted 2004-08-13 02:47 PM

I would agree that it is a bit vague but I liked it that way, because the ending line(which I loved my the way) seems to tie the whole thing together. and while it is short, it also gets across your meaning clearly, which in my opinion is better than going on and on and on, something which I am do all the time so I admire your ability in this, well done.
~Live and Laugh~

Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down.
~Bella~

a123
Member

since 2004-03-27

Posts 72

4 posted 2004-08-15 11:55 AM

I loved it.
Its leaves so much to the imagination.

a123

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

5 posted 2004-08-15 04:11 PM

I will admit this poem was vague but that's what I liked about it! Like the last comment, I agree. Good work! ~Jess

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

6 posted 2004-08-21 10:26 AM

i like this a lot too.
i like the simplicity...
These words are only windows.
You're looking inside.
cool lines

"love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die"

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

7 posted 2004-08-28 09:39 PM

I liked the fact that this poem was vauge...it made it intriguing...
Nice job lxxi..keep writing!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

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