crimson stains on stinless steel

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blood_red_summer
Junior Member

since 2004-01-31

Posts 20

0 posted 2004-01-31 02:59 AM

extraction
the knife was released
you pulled it out
yet the venom
it still pokes and prods my tendons
they are singed
weak from your blade
that dashes in and out of your mouth
its a moist pink snake
that poisoned my love for you

the rasp of your sweet voice
cuts through me, close to my heart
its bleeding a crimson river
with ever lasting power in its current
like the power with which you drove this blade
thus creating the puddle of blood you see before you...

with no blood left to flow
theres no room for second chances
with no blood left to flow
theres no room for second chances

but your knife isn't tired
it has grown to love the sound of my skin splitting
each new flesh wound brings
the satisfaction for your craving of my tears
addicted to them as if they were cocaine
the time for re-hab is now
so go off, search for another soul to torment
another life to take
i'm not ready

SweetStephanie
Junior Member

since 2003-12-29

Posts 18
Alabama,

1 posted 2004-01-31 04:58 AM

Sorry to say this but i really don't like it i just sounds to ....umm .... bloody

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

2 posted 2004-01-31 06:12 AM

Piss off whoever wrote that??? this is real poetry. jamo is the best poet i know!! he is an absoloute uncool spunky monkey and his writing is amazing... it is awesome beyond words....

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

3 posted 2004-01-31 07:43 AM

This is a good piece.
I wouldn't say it was beyond words, it just needs dusting up slightly. It will come to you in the middle of the night sometime I'm sure. I'm liking your writing. Keep it up!

^*-Smile-*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

4 posted 2004-01-31 03:22 PM

Bloody or not, it was awesome. Very well written.

Nice job

muchos
Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 102

5 posted 2004-01-31 06:45 PM

for poetry, you can never be too discriptive, and you proved that in this piece. besides the blood and morbid thoughts of this, its sells itself. a real eye catcher, i started it and was like 'woah' so its good. i like how you express yourself. i enjoyed it very much, keep it up and i look forward to reading more of your work. grade A

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

6 posted 2004-01-31 07:04 PM

I think this was one of the very first pieces of Jamo's I read and I was so impressed. I realised i was crap and didnt week for a week!!!

Essential Distress
Junior Member

since 2004-01-22

Posts 33

7 posted 2004-01-31 08:22 PM

yeah i likes it.

life aint all roses and daffodils...

unless you live in holland... wait thats tulips.

ANYWAY!

yeah top shelf. lex showed me this ages ago.

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