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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-01-26 02:34 PM

i've been living a half-cliched life,
one that is knitted by toil and strife,
one that all who see can not help but despise,
one that has taken the truth from within my eyes.

i know less than i ought but more than i should,
the rest is hidden behind my words of wood,
burn them in the falsehood of a million tales
and hear the truth scream with a million wails.

closure comes to us all, leaves us all, blinds us all

now im alone, but not lonely like before

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2004-01-26 09:26 PM

well..i must say your poem stands out. It has a flow but your words are sharp. Its nice to see all that emotion put into a short piece instead of being dragged on little by little in dozens of words. Sometimes the shorter the piece, the more impactful and thats the way i felt about this one. Impressive

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

2 posted 2004-01-27 06:42 PM

Your words have a sharp taste to them.. I didn't like this one as much as I have some of your others, I think the turn off was mainly due to the rhyming of Life with Strife, something that occurs quite frequently in poetry. There are so many other words...

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

3 posted 2004-01-27 09:15 PM

the last line,I'm a little confused.
closure comes to us all, then leaves, leaving us blind. Is that the order? or are you just saying that at one point or another it will blind, and leave...etc...?

"i know less than i ought but more than i should"
I can relate to this.
The first line is excellent.
Struck a chord inside me.
the truth...something that makes me ache each and every day.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2004-01-29 08:44 PM

thank you all for the comments. i love it when you guys comment and let me know what you think.
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

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