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Teen Poetry #7
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SixtiesChick03
Junior Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 49
NV

0 posted 2004-01-19 03:26 AM



I never knew I was losing you
Until you went and walked away
I never even had the chance
To try and make you stay

If I knew how it was going to end
I would've done it all differently
I would've made sure
That you had seen

That I love you now
And I loved you then
And there's no way in heck that I can be
Just your friend
I'll love you forever
Always until the end of time
But I never knew I was losing you
Until you were no longer mine

There's nothing left here for me to do
Except try to mend my heart
But no matter how much glue I use
It's still missing a part
And you don't see
That you hold it in your hand
It's stuck on the end of that knife you hold
That silver piece of metal that you stuck right into me
I didn't know I had it coming
Because I was too blind to see

And I never knew I was losing you
Until you were already gone
And it kills me more than ever before
Every time I hear that song
But it's all my fault that
I'm going crazy and out of my right mind
Because I never knew I was losing you
Until you were no longer mine

© Copyright 2004 Sharlene - All Rights Reserved
sweet_lost_palestinian1
Member
since 2004-01-08
Posts 90

1 posted 2004-01-19 11:47 AM


hi,,this poem is sooooo soo good eep writing plzzz....u should start posting poems ..even though it does not rythm but u put like all ur heart in it
great work..

BrokenDreams
Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425
In The Clouds
2 posted 2004-01-20 10:17 AM


This is good. I really related to it. Good job, and thanks for the read.
Jen

Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved.

WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
3 posted 2004-01-20 09:46 PM


Very heartfelt piece, strong. Beautiful work. Wonderful job of expressing your emotions.
Thank you for sharing.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

lone_rider
Junior Member
since 2004-01-20
Posts 19

4 posted 2004-01-20 10:32 PM


Hey GREAT poem keep writing!!!!

skyshine
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
5 posted 2004-01-20 11:40 PM


Very nice but sad....it read like a song to me. Keep up the great work.

~sky

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know....
~Good Charlotte

peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears
6 posted 2004-01-21 08:48 AM


I'm about to cry! This poem states exactly what's been on my mind for the last 7 months! Great work, this is def going into my library! ~Jess

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse

chicken
Junior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 44

7 posted 2004-01-21 12:48 PM


definately going in my library awesome poem and soooooo true! this poem made me think but what if i tell the person will it make it worse??? oh shall i wait for my love to realise?
HELP
anyway thanx for a great read

ascending_ecstasy
Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102

8 posted 2004-01-21 09:51 PM


Okay well, there is some forced rhyming. Which isn't good. Rhyming should be free, I think that pieces with mixed rhyming and abstract, don't read as well. It should either rhyme, or be abstract. It is a good piece though, keep it up, and watch your structure.
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