Truth, Part Two - pipTalk Forums

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PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

0 posted 2003-12-08 05:15 PM

Ok, I wrote a poem before this and got a couple responses saying that I should have focused more on my feelings rather than describing what was happening. I hope this better.... atleast it is an attempt. It's kind of long.
---------------------------
Love returned with lies
Can't stand it anymore
Wish that you cared
Cared enough for me
Pain so deep
Inflicted by you
It hurts to cry
To breathe, to live
So many times
The ice from your stare
Has formed a dagger
Stabbing desperately at my heart
Trying to kill me
This pain you inflict
Burns so deep as if
To rip me apart
My love is forever yours
Yet you don't care
The exquisite pain you send out
Is only for me
And I keep
Coming back for more
I want to feel the pain
'Cause I want you to love me
Stab me, Beat me
Abuse me, Use me
Well not anymore
I'm through
All the lies
That you tell
I won't listen anymore
No more lies
No more sorrow
The pain is all gone now
On to happier things
Life is better without you
No more lies
And no more pain

morgansmiles
Junior Member

since 2003-06-11

Posts 25
hicksville

1 posted 2003-12-08 10:14 PM

Wonderful poem darling ( British accent )...i miss you and hope to hear from you! We must hang out soemtime when we arent both busy lol

duncan idaho
Member

since 2003-11-14

Posts 70
dune

2 posted 2003-12-09 02:23 PM

NOOOO don't do it!

chinesestone
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 76
China

3 posted 2003-12-09 08:34 PM

everything is nothing
sometimes you leave,you will got the others.
if you do not mind,i want to show this poem on my web site.

http://shanshangshi.miciti.net/showarticle.asp?ArticleID=29035

stone from China.

http://shanshangshi.miciti.net/

magic_612
Member

since 2003-07-31

Posts 190
NB, Canada

4 posted 2003-12-10 09:24 PM

great job.. really liked this

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2003-12-10 09:27 PM

hmmm...it was pretty good, i liked the emotion, find the balance between description and emotion though.
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

broken627
Member

since 2003-11-26

Posts 66
Eugene Oregon

6 posted 2003-12-11 05:44 PM

It was good...I could almost feel the emotion!Great write cant wait to hear more!
-*-broken627-*-
-*-Love is like a puzzle when the pieces dont fit you have to move on-*-

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