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Teen Poetry #7
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dont know what to call it
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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dont know what to call it |
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spaz02 Member
since 2005-06-28
Posts 74USA |
i dont kno what to call this or if it is even done.. ---------------------------------------------------- The emptyness overflows you The solitude sucks you into tears Dreams are flowing out the door And demonds are sinking through the floor lost dreams dead end roads The thoughts of toture scare you but yet make you smile When all alone ---------------------------------------------------- you might not understand this...but maybe it's just because you have to be me to get it. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Amber Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I really do like this.. I like how it's short and I understand (with my own meaning of course.. I'm not quite sure If what I got from the poem is what you intended) I think that it could stay like this and still be good but you could also add onto it if you'd like.. either way.. maybe you could see if you could add to it to see what it sounded like.. just a suggestion.. great job.. ~Heather~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
Yeah. Try adding a little. It could sound cool. I also understand it with my own meaning. Cool. Jessica |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey spaz02, Yeah, your right on us not being able to understand sometimes if were not you, but we can always understand in our own ways, so even if what I think of this poem is different than what you think it’s kind of unique. We each get something out of it, we each are able to understand it and relate to this in our own ways, nobody ever said you had to feel the same… Anyway, not I’m just chattering for some odd reason about you and me and our opinions… on to the poem! I loved this by you, not of my favorites I admit but special in it’s own way. I feel like you could add a few things here and there that might polish it up a bit make it seem more completed but that’s just me… as for adding more to it? Well, I don’t think it needs much more, I mean you could if you wanted too but, if you are like me, adding more kind of messes it up. I can ruin a poem that would be perfect except I wanted to add more… maybe your not like that but I’d love to see what you decide to do. “ The emptiness overflows you The solitude sucks you into tears Dreams are flowing out the door And demands are sinking through the floor” This part^^ was such a pleasure to read, nice kind of flow, unique… Thanks for sharing this poem, I’d love to see more  @-->--- |
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