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Teen Poetry #7
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Footsteps in the Sand
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Footsteps in the Sand |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
I see your gentle footsteps Lying on the beach I try to follow close to you But you are out of reach The footsteps lead me to the water But then they disappear. I know I can never have you You move much too fast I will never catch you It would never last. ~*~Karen~*~ |
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| © Copyright 2003 Karen Clark - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Match Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286Canada Edmonton |
I like it..but some of the lines didn't flow right with me. -ash  I know you think that I shouldnt still love you |
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magic_612 Member
since 2003-07-31
Posts 190NB, Canada |
I agree.. the first stanza seemed to run smoothly until the last line. The second stanza did seem a little off too. I do like the idea you have for this one though, nothing a little more work can't fix! |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
ragga fraggen....... |
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Ally Stone Junior Member
since 2003-10-20
Posts 48D.C. |
I agree that a few lines were awkward, but enjoyed its genuine simplicity nonetheless. Keep writing! ---A--- |
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skyshine 
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Very nice!  ~Elizabeth Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone... |
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greco Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 85buffalo ny |
i liked it i thought it flowed pretty well maybe a little fored to rhyme but not bad good write |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
Thanks for your comments, I'm working on making it better, I'll post the revised poem when it's done ~*~Karen~*~ |
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