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Teen Poetry #7
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SwimminPoet05
New Member
since 2003-11-14
Posts 6
Massachusetts, US

0 posted 2003-11-20 06:19 PM


Okay this is the first poem i ever written i wrote it likea year or so ago...


Forever Dreaming

When I first saw you
i knew it was right
Ill always remember
what you said that night
The way you talked to me
the way you stared
My hand in yours
and closer you dared
Forever Dreaming
'cause you just dont understand
The way it feels
with a heart in your hand
Im now on my knees
wishing for another day
Praying that I'd find the time
to know just what to say
I'm now forever dreaming
'cause you just wont understand
The way that im feeling
when my heart is in your hand

© Copyright 2003 Richelle - All Rights Reserved
young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
1 posted 2003-11-20 08:08 PM


well, at first i really disliked it. it was incredibly straight forward and cliche. i liked it the more it went. i liked the coninous theme of "heart in a hand", but once again it was really cliche. most of my stuff is though, so good job...haha
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

skyshine
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars
2 posted 2003-11-20 10:10 PM


It's very sweet! This is your first poem? You're off to a good start!

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

magic_612
Member
since 2003-07-31
Posts 190
NB, Canada
3 posted 2003-11-20 10:47 PM


I agree.. this is VERY well done for a first poem. My first one was horrible.. I laugh when I read it.. hehe
Deep_Inside
Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377
i can't stop hiding
4 posted 2003-11-21 12:26 PM


i enjoyed reading this it's sweet and simple. keep writing

when you live you begin to die
when you die memories of you life lives in others
when memories of you begin to fade
you truly begin to die

dertah
Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584

5 posted 2003-11-21 01:33 PM


word...they just dont understand....
frolicking dolphin
Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268
my own special world
6 posted 2003-11-21 04:03 PM


This is a very good first poem, I also remember my first poem being absolutely horrible when I look at it now.  Nice work

~*~Karen~*~

~All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them~Walt Disney

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