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Teen Poetry #7

These Moments

sometimesitslonely
Junior Member

since 2005-12-27

Posts 41
USA

0 posted 2006-03-10 04:14 PM

At times my world is silent,
and I think this is my last breath,
I wonder when I'll be dead,
wonder why I was born.

The rain collasped in my hand,
like stones washed in the sand,
puddles gathered deep,
and my love for you grew.

Smiles that are so fake,
tell me there's a choice to make,
untouched flowers lie on my table,
while the man I love is in my bed.

This smile is fake,
These tears aren't.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-03-10 05:17 PM

wow......its great.deep.short.great

           Jessica

    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-03-12 04:47 PM

Like on your last poem, i don't really understand the whole thing?

The first stanza mostly... I liked it though, the first and second stanza most!

The third i kind of felt like it lost some of the flow... Good right though, i look forward to seeing more of your poems

@-->---

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2006-03-17 07:10 PM

"At times my world is silent,
and I think this is my last breath,
I wonder when I'll be dead,
wonder why I was born."

I could totally relate to that part. Good write.

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