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Teen Poetry #7

for once

Sexy
Member

since 2005-11-25

Posts 53

0 posted 2006-02-28 05:56 PM

For once be yourself
you might get real
friends maybe they will
like you for who
you are, and not
for who i am.
For once tell the
truth people might care
because they really dont
for this fake personality
you always seem to
wear, for once be
honest with yourself you
might actually have fun
for once be yourself
and not me, hun......

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

1 posted 2006-02-28 09:42 PM

I liked this poem but I didn't like the line breaking points that you chose. I would suggest that you would break the line at the end of a completed thought.

I liked the point here. People trying to be like other people instead of who they really are. Nice write. With a little work I, as a junior member, think that this could be a great poem.

Good job!

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

2 posted 2006-02-28 11:51 PM

I agree. You need more breaking points. I would like the flow of it better if you put breaking points. all in all it was a pretty nice poem

Jessica

    Character is what you
      do when you think that
         no one is loking--??

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