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kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

0 posted 2006-02-21 07:57 PM

Intoxicated

i dont even know you,
yet my intoxication does.
It knows every inch and every curve.
it knows everthing that was.
that intoxicating feeling
that intoxicated urge.
it drives us all.

even if that feeling
is only for an instant
or lasts all night.
it drives you,
theres no denying.

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

1 posted 2006-02-22 06:36 PM

it cool. great title its a head liner. just by reading the first part pulls you in and makes yoou want to read more. Ionly wish that it was longer

            Jessica
              :)

       Where your heart lays
        is where you belong.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2006-02-22 10:19 PM

well... i thouggh/think so too...but then...one night stands arent very long. but then again....the memory last a life time. i just dont know. but thanks for the comment.

*karissa*

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

Free_Spirit07
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 222
The middle of my mind!

3 posted 2006-02-22 11:57 PM

I lke this very good

yea woulda been cool if it was longer but ohwell-good write all round!

x0x0
Free_Spirit07
fear and tears....STOP rounda bout here!

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2006-02-24 02:05 PM

I like this piece... it's very teasing, in that you think it's about one thing, then you think it's about another. You aren't blunt, you hide the truth a bit.

The only thing I would recommend is reading the poem to yourself outload. The flow of a few lines is a bit stiff at times.

Nicely done.

~Daniel?Titus

Fighting the good fight, deployed to Iraq.

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

5 posted 2006-02-27 06:16 PM

'I don't even know you, yet my intoxication does' This is my favorite part. It drags you write into the poem. The only thing I suggest on this poem is to make the ending a little more 'how can i say this?' I would put something that keeps the reader on the edge of the seat wishing there was more but I loved the poem as a whole. Great write.. Never really had a one night stand. It always leads to something more even when it was meant to be only one night.
Great write...

~Heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

6 posted 2006-03-06 11:03 PM

I agree with daniel
this can mean so many things and is left open for your reader and i like that. i guess whatever your audience interprets it to mean is whats going on in their lives at the moment or before
good write

how did you break my heart when it wasn't whole to start?

aol sn- tearsoflove13762

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

7 posted 2006-03-07 12:29 PM

Ummm… It’s interesting? For some odd reason when I saw the title all I could think of was drinking (no offence), but it was a pleasant surprise!

Although, the ending I thought left something to be desired… but to each his/her own!

I’d really like to see some of your long poems if you have any

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