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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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[luv] |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
... it survives inside me ... ... unsure of where it kame from ... ... it won't die ... ... i've tried ... ... i look at myself from the outside ... ... we're one in the same ... ... our tunes are so different ... ... we kannot manifest otherwise ... ... it craves ... ... thus it konsumes ... ... growing ... ... teasing your doubt ... ... konfronting you_r logic ... ... proving all points ... ... for an endless kause ... ... hopelessness ... ... ... i think bak inside myself and see nothing but anguish ... ... it is the happiness ... ... it is hate ... ... it kontrols me ... ... my aktions are based on logik ... ... the truth will never be true ... |
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| © Copyright 2005 Alex-lee Hryhorczuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
I really like the thought of this poem and the format you used BUT it was hard for me to read with the alternate spelling usage. I think you'll reach your readers more if you use correct grammar and it makes it easier to read and understand. The poem, however was really good, keep posting! AIM-blueyed angel940 One day u'll ask which is more important,u or my life. I'll answer my life and u'll walk away never knowing u are my life. |
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Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
I thought it was imaginitively done, and although the "K" usage threw me off at first, I think it added to the poem. Great Job. In the wooden chair |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
A rather interesting read Alex, the use of K in the place of C was quite distracting though. I liked the format, though I am not so sure that the three dots are necessary, it gave me the impression that they were groups of unrelated thoughts strung together. I'm not sure if that is your intention but that is how I read it. Nice to see that you're still around. Andrew  |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
are those dots necessary. I liked it. but whats with the k's insteadof c's. its all a distraction from the content of your poetry. |
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Android 17
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664Winnipeg |
The K instead of C placement shouldn't be that much of a deal. They make the same sounds and hence formulate the same words---but in a different way. This strew of peoms is based on a troubled, cross-messaged, hopeless romance. And in a confusing, painful (one-sided) romance your mind doesn't quite work the same way it should. You come out with the same product...but not in the same fashion. Sporadic and seemingly random structure and format is also based on the theme of the poem. In a romance of that sort, explaining your thoughts and feeling is extremely difficult. And especially when explainging yourself with the other person...it's kind of a game of "pick and choose" as to which thought and emotion comes out, rather than just slewing them all out. T'was my aim. Hope it clears the lot up. The deeper we go, the harder it gets. |
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