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Teen Poetry #7

Seconds Bit It's Lip

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2005-01-18 11:22 AM

Seconds Bit It's Lip

I am living in this coffin
nearly knocking on the wood.
Of cruel Earth!
Can you keep me down?
I have built this home inside you
so I may have a partner in my groanings.
Weakness has sunk my eyes into my thoughts
and sorrow pumps through my chest.
"Let him bleed." The said.
Maybe they were right,
Oh what a routine this has become.
p.s. check out my music at www.purevolume.com/aprilsfalling

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2005-01-24 03:16 PM

I liked the mood of this one, and the end was especially strong. Keep writing.

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2005-01-25 05:38 PM

thanks for reading it.

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

3 posted 2005-01-25 11:07 PM

A saddening mood to this one.... almost regretful. Either way i enjoyed this one and i also enjoyed listening to Leave Hell Alone (i think that's t he one).
Keep up the great work.

-John

nice use of muffin

aim= FlyingScrew. message me if you feel.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2005-01-26 05:55 PM

thanks for listening and reading.

silhouetted
Senior Member

since 2004-01-30

Posts 537
New Zealand

5 posted 2005-01-27 07:12 PM

i liked the sky is too long, couldn't really hear the other one.

good poem, i like the style.

laura

you're the only one keeping me alive

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

6 posted 2005-01-31 09:49 AM

thanks

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