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electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

0 posted 2004-09-17 06:29 PM

so here i am, the pretty circles
running around me all over again.

we stayed up late again last night.
the laughter echoing in my ears,
the minute i woke up alone. with
the caffeine stuck in my heart like
a needle making the blood run.

[no, no. i’m fine].

it’s funny how we pretend that this
love is tangible, funny how we
dance around thinking that tangled
arms is the only place we need to
be.

[please, please. don’t breathe].

i can’t seem to break (free) of all
that holds me close. the chains
are liking to watch me suffer with
no gasps of breaths; with no one
to say this is okay.

[yes, yes. make it hurt].

and i don’t really know if the rain
is supposed to carry butterflies but
i’m seeing the colors right before my
eyes.

[smile, smile. something’s real].

so here i am, the pretty circles
running around me all over again.

lets believe in something today
and tell everyone we’re okay.

so, while the sun sets on another day; i'm waiting for those words that make me stay.

dodge_chick2003
Member

since 2004-01-18

Posts 136
California

1 posted 2004-09-17 11:28 PM

I cant pinpoint it but something about this poem lured me in. This isnt the s tyle you usually see on here. I like it.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2004-09-18 01:17 AM

aren't parenthasis (sp) wonderful? I could play with them all day. You just have to be careful of where you put them, because if they're in the wrong spot then the poem can be confusing. You did well with them here though!

Great writing, thanks for sharing

and then He created the horse...

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

3 posted 2004-09-18 06:51 AM

i love the way you have written this is..... it gives more of an insight into how you were feeling wen u worte this amazing piece of work...
Keep em coming
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2004-09-18 03:28 PM

I too like the way that you used the parenthasis. It made the poem interesting, and like Dodge_chick said, it's not a style that I usually see around here.
Nice job, thanks for the read!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

5 posted 2004-09-21 08:22 PM

I agree with skyfire, you placed those just right. I especially love the end of this poem. The way you describe things is different, I like it.
Thanks for sharing.

WinterWren-
Counting stars wishing I was ok,
Crashing down was my biggest mistake.

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