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Teen Poetry #7
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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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smalltownmind Junior Member
since 2003-10-24
Posts 21 |
I hope I need I want I breathe I love I wish I care I miss I hurt I feel I loathe I kill I crave I try I long I cry I run I break I laugh I fake I sleep I turn I pine I burn I am I won't I hate I don't I wait I stay I lie I pray I speak I fall I fly I fall I look I sigh I give! I die My story of heartache shown in mostly emotions rather than action. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Eric Githens - All Rights Reserved | |||
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-=Kiff=- Junior Member
since 2003-10-21
Posts 16North wales UK |
I like the angle u are coming from here.....but I couldn't help but think towards the end that alot of the emotions became meaningless, they just didn't seem to tie in very well. The sun never sets on the British empire |
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smalltownmind Junior Member
since 2003-10-24
Posts 21 |
yeah, i can see where they could be confusing. i dont know...when i go through tough times...my emotions change rapidly, so they all make sense to me...and if your emotions change the way mine do when trying to cope with heartache or other stress, you'll understand "if you want me back...you're gonna have to ask." |
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-=Kiff=- Junior Member
since 2003-10-21
Posts 16North wales UK |
Yeah, i can see where they could be I hope some day I can, I'm new to all this so my critique doesn't hold much value but I hope to see some more of your poems soon. The sun never sets on the British empire |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
i do to........ |
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whispering wind Junior Member
since 2003-08-18
Posts 45 |
I really like how you did this. That was very creative to say the feelings and no actions. It is amazing how feelings alone truly can tell a stroy. Great Job on this. I look forward to seeing more. |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Welcome to Passions In Poetry. I hope that you like it here. It helps to write out our feelings and emotions as you did in this poem. Please check your e-mail for a special greetings from all of us here at Passions.  Hugs,  Ethel/garysgirl Moderator/Passions in Poetry [This message has been edited by garysgirl (10-24-2003 12:10 PM).] |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
 A hearty WELCOME~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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smalltownmind Junior Member
since 2003-10-24
Posts 21 |
thanks for all of the critiques. just for the record... i am not new to the forum...i just havent' been here in so long i used a different screenname. but thanks anyway  |
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