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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
Your ran away But what to do? To find the pieces of me Inside of you You come running back Every day It’s so hard with So little to say So you chock it out Tri to explain But you’re still the one They want to blame You bleed away All alone So afraid When no ones home No one tries Or ever will So you cry till Get your fill These pains we get I explained to all But they still rather See us fall So lets bleed One more day And hope that this Just all goes away As darkness covers the land, the fun has just begun |
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| © Copyright 2004 Matt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Stepharoo Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149Washington, USA |
I really liked this...yeah I just really liked this...great job! keep it up |
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Snickers123 Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 94United States-Iowa |
I liked it too! Nice job! |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Deep_Inside-- This really had a good rhyme scheme, though I felt the flow a bit startled at times. Be careful that the rhyming doesn't interfere with how the poem reads. If you find this happening, don't use rhymes. Sometimes, they can seriously limit what you have to say, even though they can also enhance your message. Of course, it is the poet's decision on how loud he or she wants their voice to be. In stanza 6, you change from "you" to "we". I'm not entirely sure why; it's a bit confusing and sudden. However, you have your reasons, and I'd like to know if there was any particular influence on this decision.  Other than that, it's good to read something by you again. Look forward to reading more! --Leah |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Great job! I loved this poem! |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
Thanx everyone for replying my poem I’m really glad you enjoyed it. Leah: I have always like getting you advice it seems to help me a lot again thanks. As darkness covers the land, the fun has just begun |
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