»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #4
»
The Hurt You Left Behind
| Dark Poetry #4 |
|
The Hurt You Left Behind |
|
|
River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
I am at more than a loss for words motionless thoughtless as you scratch your pain on my mind hypnotized by smoking yellow roses shadows...traces of you are left behind falling out of this imaginary world I just want to be near somebody anybody to cry on and take away my hurt the hurt you left behind traces thoughts fragments shattered in my mind the hurt you left behind ebony symphonies...gracefull trance morbid colliding mosaic shifting drifting why did I ever give you a chance Inside I am outside of myself drifting lifting cursedly blessed haunting dance did I ever deserve the pain did I ever deserve such shame beating my head over and over again I just want answers I just want to know why how come you became never again seems like you just didn't even try the hurt you left behind faces taunts anger management shattered in my mind THE HURT YOU LEFT BEHIND. *** ok, not my best work either...but you know, some venting helps  Running out of pain |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Bonnie Sue Bixler - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
This deserves a reply. It's filled with raw emotion and this is good. Wicked stuff. |
||
|
silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
Wow. amazing. Only thing that broke the whole aura of the poem or the flow, was the sue of capitals at the end. But apart from that, nice! LOR "It would make those who listen to it doze into a land of rivers, kund fu and unicorns, eventually making the listener pee in his/her pants - Brandon |
||
|
yv Senior Member
since 2003-05-30
Posts 574 |
The pain of a betraying heart is verily felt in this poem. All though you have the ability to do better, techincally, nothing can beat raw emotion. So, in spite of its seemingly forced ideals, it was beautiful in the aspect of its realism. Yv-Goddess of Her Domain. Symbol of Truth Passion Pain. Let Her Smile Rain on the Hearts of the Innocent. |
||
|
River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
uh...wow, I didn't expect to hear anything like what you guys just wrote...that is great, thank you for your replys! - River Running out of pain |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
