»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #4
»
Gapping Hole
| Dark Poetry #4 |
|
Gapping Hole |
|
|
green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
In ignorance and bliss Off the path from his dirty street Hes empty now and forever With stains left over as proof Quiet and secret It's there turn to attack As fault in my mind my brain only scrapes And understanding just inches out of reach Build up of anxiety desperate for a breath Breathing freely now the thick stench of death In vibrations from heat that only remove the flesh Pounding fear in his grip of pain Sober first then take a step back And inhale It's only the slower lazy white air Incomplete for me a lasting memory Stranger who knew not Denial of one solid truth Kept a secret in his mind Ignorance never more No turning back, this time, no walking away -Kutless |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Kenneth Craig Rogers - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
whoever reads this please don't praise it. Its only an expresion and description. Critcal response is accepted though. |
||
|
River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
ok, so...I won't say yay or nay as far as if i like this since you don't want praise, but this part really stood out to me: "As fault in my mind my brain only scrapes And understanding just inches out of reach" ...this is one of those writes where you really have to slow down and soak in everything...for like 15 minutes. la de da de da...ok, have a good day =) - Bonnie Sue sleep my precious slumber |
||
|
Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
hmm... the last line, is cliche and the piece could really do without, because I think the idea has already been established. the last section, is just kind of bland. but there are a lot of lines in here that are really striking. ~Lex Take care |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
