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Soul Sepulchre
Junior Member

since 2003-10-19

Posts 29
Tennessee, USA

0 posted 2004-02-27 09:54 PM

-Here it is folks, my first poem in a loooong time. I hope you enjoy! Gimme some feedback :-)-

What lies beneath,
The layers of flesh,
In hollow skull,
Draws its breath

Shadowed not,
It lies in wait,
What lies beneath,
Bleeds our fate

It screams aloud,
Fearful seeming,
Hiding now,
From light 'a gleaming

What lies beneath,
In mortal coil,
Poisons heart,
With poison soul

Seeking now,
Some solitude,
What lies beneath,
Cannot elude

The fate of ages,
The fate of mind,
What lies beneath,
Makes us blind

What lies beneath,
The layers of flesh,
In hollow skull,
Draws it breath

Plagues us all,
With desire and greed,
Feeds its own,
Unholy seed

Like deafened silence,
In a world unkind,
Thrives on hate,
Pierces mind

What lies beneath,
Shall never die,
Will burn the Earth,
With mortal lies.

What lies beneath,
The layers of flesh,
In hollow skull,
Draws its breath

What lies beneath,
Our hearts rusts,
For what lies beneath,
Is each of us.

Jeremy -
"The spirits of the dead, who stood in life before thee, are again in death around thee". Edgar Allen Poe

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-02-27 10:30 PM

"Shadowed not,
It lies in wait,
What lies beneath,
Bleeds our fate"

Very awesome polem!! ~lol~ I really liked the ending, but that part ^^^ just stood out a lot to me!! The imagery was kick ass.
I cant wait to hear more!!

~Vampire Kisses

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

2 posted 2004-03-05 12:27 PM

"The fate of ages,
The fate of mind,
What lies beneath,
Makes us blind"

i really like this! - especially that part, great job, i hope to see more!

- River

sleep my precious slumber

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

3 posted 2004-03-13 09:45 AM

Very nice.....
Enjoyed!!!!
Bridgette

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." A. Brink

Eromyna
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 306
Pheonix, AZ, USA

4 posted 2004-03-13 11:48 AM

I like! I'm sorta brain-dead, right now, or else I'd compliment your original rhyme scheme. One gets sick, after a while, of seeing the same words rhymed with each other. Thank you for being unique.

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

Soul Sepulchre
Junior Member

since 2003-10-19

Posts 29
Tennessee, USA

5 posted 2004-03-13 03:16 PM

Thank you all for the positive replies to my poem. Please, check out my others, I have them on here somewhere...if PIPTalk hasn't deleted them. -Shrug-

Jeremy -
"The spirits of the dead, who stood in life before thee, are again in death around thee". Edgar Allen Poe

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

6 posted 2004-03-13 04:58 PM

all your post are there-- if you hit the icon with the looking glass and page, you will find your poems....or you can do a smart seach on your name as well at the top of this page....

~~**~~
Walking with bare feet
among a tapestry of words,
each woven thread, awakening the soul
~~**~~

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