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Vagabond
Member

since 2004-01-23

Posts 163

0 posted 2004-02-13 03:49 PM

Shhhhhh, I am dieing now
filled in me is pain,
the pain i love and how so near
the pain i fear

Shhhhhhh, I am dieing now
I can fill the hate,
hate for those around me
from hate i flee

Shhhhhhh, I am dieing now
uselessness fills me
defines my actions
files away at my bones

Shhhhhhh, I am dieing now
the feeling of death fills me
fills me to the brim
overflowing is death, pain, and hatred
overflowing till i die

Shhhhhh, I'm dead now
Finally at rest

not part of the poem:
Sheash i need a shrink
happy Friday the Thirtenth all!
spelling mistaks edited

Vagabon the Lost One

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-02-23 12:19 PM

Nice. ~lol~ I think we all need a shrink at some point. I know i do.

~Vampire Kisses

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

2 posted 2004-02-23 12:40 PM

i didnt like the repitition. it sorta bored me. that probably sounds real bad but you did say tell me all

You can always hear a tear in Cobain's voice, the pain going on there is always visible through his lyrics - Marilon Manson

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-02-23 03:17 AM

well, dying is one thing in itself...living is another

gpc
Junior Member

since 2003-03-01

Posts 43

4 posted 2004-02-28 06:13 PM

I think it's fair to say that this is a fairly awful parody of teenage angsty death wish poetry. It almost made me smile, almost .. you were so close. As a poem, this is below average angst; as a parody, this is the type of poor humour I would expect from someone of your obviously limitless stupidity.

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

5 posted 2004-02-28 08:17 PM

gpc, please control your responses. Name calling is not allowed.

silhouetted
Senior Member

since 2004-01-30

Posts 537
New Zealand

6 posted 2004-02-28 09:37 PM

yer the repition def. bored me too.
i think it wasnt going anywhere so i felt it was boring

Call no man happy till he is dead.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

7 posted 2004-03-01 03:21 AM

gpc, just because this poem may have not been written up to your 'standards' does not give you the right to be deconstructive, constuctive critism or none at all...

"So what befalls the flawless?
Look what I've built, it shines so beautifully now watch as it destroys me."

Vagabond
Member

since 2004-01-23

Posts 163

8 posted 2004-03-01 08:09 AM

I thought gpc's replie was funny

so don't fuss at him. Sorry about the repition, I'll keep it in ming not do do that again in my next poems

Vagabon the Lost One

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

9 posted 2004-03-01 01:29 PM

typical and sad how so many can relate to its typicallity maybe were all just typical losers who can't ever seem to meet anyones standards. I know for a fact that I'm a typical loser, so should I quit writting about it. It is a part of life to be typically unsatisfying to others unless your life is dedicated to a plastic existance with a sore on your forehead from the typical stress factor of everyday life.

GIS

Why live for gold when you can be happy?

[...and the work, it was fun.]-Kurt Cobain

River
Senior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 627
my own little world

10 posted 2004-03-04 11:18 PM

*wakes up and realises she read this earlier but forgot to reply*...=) Vegabond, i see the pain in this write and i understand why you think you might need a shrink. (I think a certain person may need to see one too)...but then again - this is DaRk poetry. it's intentionally depressing, if it wasn't, it wouldn't be dark. If you want someone to talk to you can e-mail me if you like. I'm not exactly a shrink but I do like to help in anyway i can.
- gpc...that was rude, i SO agree with Masked Intruder & eor. if you honestly thought this person was as stupid as you say, it might be wise to keep your comments to yourself so as not to encourage acting out what he just wrote, wether he thought your reply was funny or not, he could have taken it differently. (it takes one to know one).

- Craig, lol...you're not that bad. i think you are better than what you give yourself credit for. =).

- River

sleep my precious slumber

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