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Dark Poetry #4

Be a hero

hardcorexflirt
Junior Member

since 2007-12-22

Posts 12
WI, USA

0 posted 2008-01-12 07:42 PM

fading love, and constant pain
broken hearts, and falling rain

death, fear, raging hate
tears, memories, screaming fate

hateful words, and wicked lies
everyday someone dies
--------------------------------------
flash a simple smile
you could just save a life

fix a broken heart,
she may just drop the knife

i have a simple goal
with reducing tears to zero

with this simple love
you may just be a hero

[This message has been edited by hardcorexflirt (01-12-2008 11:25 PM).]

Allogenes
Junior Member

since 2008-01-16

Posts 35

1 posted 2008-01-16 02:38 AM

A good message. Often it is the simple favors - an innocent smile, a friendly glance - that are so decisive in their brevity; that are so piercing to the defenses of a cold and searching heart.

As a suggestion: in the stanza next to the last you wrote, "With reducing tears to zero" when I think you meant, "For reducing tears to zero."

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