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Spot
Junior Member

since 2006-03-04

Posts 45
CA, US

0 posted 2006-05-23 07:09 PM

I try to find myself
I should- she’s mine.
My self, mine,
and I can shape her.
I can’t change the color of my eyes
but I can control the feeling that shines out of them-
or I can try, until the light I’m looking into reflects on an uneven surface,
a jumbled mess of confused ideals and misdirected struggles
left over from the war I’m waging on my self
this self
the one that no one can see.

Even when my eyes open and the pain flows out of me
like the last trickle of blood from a dying mouth
as the enemy retreats and I fall, hand on my heart,
a friend can look into them, wide open, and not see.
As I carve out my insides and force them up
screaming for someone to see the look in my eyes
I realize it’s the outside that counts-
I can watch myself cry for as long as I can see
but the pain blinding me will never be anything more than tears;
I can stare at my wrists forever
but my blood will never turn to the deep red of heroes,
it will never be different than this pale, real-life blue
never for my eyes- unless I bring it out
make the red show to prove the meanings in the stories were true
and I will never be ready to cross that line.
I can shape all I want
but my creations are never as good as the breath-taking beauty
another finds, without even trying.
I can put everything into this look,
mold my spirit like clay and crown it with my dying breath
but no one will see.
It’s in the things I can’t change
and my eyes will never be mysterious or beautiful.
I could, and probably will
labor forever on this art I try to make my life into
but I can’t ever measure up to the gifts
others have had from the start.

Fabiani
Member

since 2006-05-12

Posts 123
Mesa, Az

1 posted 2006-05-23 07:51 PM

I love this poem i felt these same unsecurties i think most people have you express them with vivid imagery this one of my favorite kinds of poems cuase ive been there in that place

Aim-DuWerdestBrachen
MSN- Tooshaysalesmen@hotmail.com

Yup YuP~

niere
Member

since 2006-04-23

Posts 77

2 posted 2006-05-24 12:56 PM

i really enjoyed this.
i like the way you phrase things.

it also makes me think of OTEP and the title of their first album - sevas tra (read it backwards)
i really believe that it is so true...
sorry i'm babbling again.

but yeah - really cool poem, i love it.

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