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Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

0 posted 2003-11-05 11:44 PM

It crawls over me,
a filth, a miasma of sickness,
a touch to shrink from.
Leaden, stolid, I seek haven.
In and in farther, inward I delve,
to escape.
It creeps deeper,
brushing the shadow near my soul.
I shiver.
Softness envelops me,
a veil of sincerity,
translucent in its guile.

I let go.
Disembodied.
I flutter.

Strong white light to pierce,
fierce determination to repel,
a sense of irony to kill.
The body settles to an earthy floor;
I slip closer, curling closer.

I am one.
Cleansed.

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. -- Navajo Proverb

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

1 posted 2003-11-06 08:21 AM

good write, it's not easy writing about exorcism. "brushing the shadow near my soul". This line is good. Enjoyed.

poe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

ranidae_poet
Member

since 2003-11-05

Posts 66
Texas,USA

2 posted 2003-11-06 10:33 AM

Its interesting how one poem can be taken many different ways. I didn't see this as mysticpoe perhaps did...and maybe since I am new she knows more about your writes than I can expect to....For myself...after reading this...and this most likely comes from within me...I saw this to be about drugs but hey....my mind is corrupt sometimes...lol..this is a great poem regardless.....

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2003-11-08 12:48 PM

whoa....good write

Astro
Member

since 2003-01-08

Posts 69
Ca.

4 posted 2003-12-03 02:56 PM

Hey, Masked Intruder, I was looking for a more current poem to critique, but this'll do. I like the line "I shiver" the best because that's the overall effect the poem had on me. Some poems make me think, some make me feel; this one made me feel. You certainly used an ambiguous tone to convey identity. The distinction is unclear between invader and invaded. In the end, the identities merge, so the ambiguity is well used. This reminds me of the stream-of-consciousness chapters in Toni Morrison's "Beloved".

Overall, great poem.

Sight is an always awful beginning

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