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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Untitled... |
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Lonely Shadow Member
since 2000-03-14
Posts 128Virginia 
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wasn't sure what to title it, but I thought I'd take another crack at writing. ---------------------------------------- paradise of the blind unknowing of the pain within the haze which kept his life so peaceful and serene swept away in the truths that he he had hoped for so long to forget they return to haunt him so with such brutal clarity cutting into his very being utterly powerless to its advance images of hopes dashed the sounds of utter sorrow wishing, praying, hoping for this pain to fade, for the haze to return longing so much for peace that had gripped his troubled mind but now he's slipped the bonds that protected him with his ignorance now to suffer the awful freedom of the knowledge he can't escape until death can take him home Fear destroys the mind, depression destroys the soul... only love and compassion may save you from death. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Lonely Shadow - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Reading your CC message, I'll offer the following. Utilizing punctionation and capitalization would not only indicate line breaks and pauses, but could also emphasize keywords or important phrases. In addition, using such would diminish the feel of a one-breath run-on sentence. I did enjoy your phraseology and wordturning. My suggested title 'Residual' stems from the notion of past deeds/thoughts/ideas/actions/emotions oftimes return, not in full strength, but as nuances, as collateral residue from what we thought, at the time, to be proper amends. Miscarried those were, for time and again, the spectres in our past persist in tarring the future, leaving faint residue of failings in the present wake. One last tip if you don't already do this: read aloud what you're writing, either as you're penning it, or after 'completion'. Get the verbal feel of the work, the cadence and beat. Do you want conversational flow, pedantic measure, or stilted barks of speech? That's where punctuation, including parenthesis, boldface, and italics came really accentuate the spoken aspect. Have a good one!  |
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