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Defective
Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 73
Salisbury NC

0 posted 2004-11-09 03:17 PM

Crying crying
dying dying
Take these lies and divide them up
the ones you gave to me and the ones she gave to you
I can't breathe you took my breath
now I'm starting to reconnect
the signs they pointed to the end
but I swore I'd never go back again
She took from me what I never had
never imagined that it would hurt this bad
Crying crying
dying dying
I'm not taking the blame for what you did
but I took the fall
and it was the hardest thing that I've ever felt
Crying crying
dying dying

EveGnosis
Member

since 2002-02-21

Posts 300
New York, USA

1 posted 2004-11-11 02:26 AM

i loved this! and especially the way you poised your rhythm.
this was a very strong poem, defective!
hey, you and purity are very near each other. i know, strange observation, but it kinda seemed intriquing... defective purity. ought to be a poem...lol

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

2 posted 2004-11-11 02:33 AM

"Sometimes he feels like dying,
She's so sick of crying."

Whatever, sounds like your handled it well. I echoe Eve, you have a strong poem on your hands here. Sigh. Good luck. With whatever.

Hollow.
Courts.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

3 posted 2004-11-11 06:21 PM

hey, this was really good. I loved it. Like they said ^^ this is a very strong peom...
and i also wanna say good luck with everything. This sounds like you wrote this one from actual experience...(srry if im wrong..hahaha) But yeah, good luck with it.

Karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2004-11-11 08:44 PM

first i've read of you, and really good! Such a powerful poem...awesome job!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

silhouetted
Senior Member

since 2004-01-30

Posts 537
New Zealand

5 posted 2004-11-11 11:01 PM

oh i like that heaps! awesome dude, awesome.

oh and courts... does that quote smell like extraordinary girl by a certain... green day? hehe lol gud album!

LOR

your the only one keeping me alive

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

6 posted 2004-11-11 11:48 PM

I, too, really like the flow of this one! Here's your grunge song, Eve! Great poem Defective!

Oh yeah... as for "Defective Purity"... already exists EG, as I am hopefully optimistic that I am at least one of, if not the best, nine fingered poets you know... defective indeed...lol

"Crying Crying...Dying Dying!!" Almost anthemic...loved it.

Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere

Defective
Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 73
Salisbury NC

7 posted 2004-11-12 02:26 AM

Thank you all. It hurts now but it was for the best. Better now than a year from now. He's a little boy and needs to figure out what he wants.

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