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Dark Poetry #4
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Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand

0 posted 2004-10-08 12:32 PM


Hollow.
Shattered with feeble permission,
After all the musing I release
In the end
It didn’t matter
In the end
No one cared.
And now
Scraping up what was left
The blood and pulp,
The voices;
Long gone
Echoing through the walls.
Breathing shallow yesterday
Gone now
Without a trace.
Sedated love
Half-hearted remarks
I’m so sorry
I’m so sorry.
This coincides with the blue prints
Our mortality was meant to persevere,
Till the moon cracked
From humankind’s weight.

Seized
And
Vacant

Enduring
And
Dense

Breathless
And
Numb

Inhaling
And
Devoted

Each one
You
And
Me

I won’t let go.
But if your grasp slips.
If you fall.
Pull me down too.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

© Copyright 2004 Courtney - All Rights Reserved
silhouetted
Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537
New Zealand
1 posted 2004-10-08 01:17 AM


wow.
holy sheets. (replacement language)

that was so brilliant, i think one of ur very best.

ouch i loved

oh so much

im kinda....... well not kinda... very jealous.

omg i loved it

AAAHHHHH U AMAZING CHILD

LOR

put your frustrations into four letter words - incubus

vampiana
Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere
2 posted 2004-10-08 02:12 AM


absolutely brilliant.
the formation 10 gold stars!!
the language 10 gold stars!!
the EVERYTHING 10 gold stars!!
LOL-i know..."gold stars" but seriously, they were the only creative things of could think of at the moment..LOL
loved it to death,
think you've outdone urself
Kirsty

"Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"-Frank from Donnie Darko

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2004-10-08 03:57 AM


I really liked the construction here. I thought it very creative, as a sort of totem of crucifixion, the visual works well to illustrate your idea.

Inventive, and agony evident, it does make this reader wonder your conclusion (if any)

but?

It truly doesn't matter the way you worded and sculped this--

though it's tempting to ASK, the open-ended question illustrates more wonderfully than a neatly wrapped answer might.



Much enjoyed.

darkness_witch
Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516
Underneath
4 posted 2004-10-08 04:12 AM


OH WOW OH WOW OH WOW *excited face*
OH WOW !!!!!!!!!!

WHEN HAVE I EVER BEEN THIS EXCITED ABOUT ONE SINGLE POEM UUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMM TODAY MY DEAR!!

oh my goodness! i couldnt stop my eyes from darting back up to the top of the page to read it through again and again!

this is amazing...... i cant put my finger on why but it just freakin is! love the set out, the last bit rocked extremely hard. ahhhhh i agree with everything said hear, and am gunna stop ranting and raving in the hope you get my drift!

love and empathy
darkness

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

Purity
Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526
Once Upon, USA
5 posted 2004-10-08 10:12 AM


And I will fall with you any day, Hollow, for before we hit rock bottom, you'll have something very inspiring to say and I'll forget that we're falling (and our impending demise). Simply one of your very best!

Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere

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