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Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

0 posted 2004-09-23 08:42 PM

gripped by
the cold bone shivers
loneliness
bitter
in silence resides
thoughts bounce
hitting walls
of lifeless stone
resonating
in emptiness

s.a.t.

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2004-09-24 01:31 AM

I'm guessing by the s.a.t. thing at the bottom this isn't about some mean personal experience, but about taking the SAT test for college or something. And by what I read it seems to fit pretty well. Nice work and god bless.

-GIS

He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

2 posted 2004-09-24 02:08 AM

hmm now i thought s.a.t. were your initials.

loved the poem though...... the wording and how they sounded as i read them made the meaning and theme seem not as important.

love and empathy
darkness

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

3 posted 2004-09-24 02:22 AM

thoughts bounce
hitting walls
of lifeless stone
resonating
in emptiness

Wow. Love your work, keep it up. I love how short and shocking it is.

Hollow.
P.S, s.a.t is your initials isn't it? S. A. Toulme? Susan A. Toulme?

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2004-09-24 02:43 AM

gripped by
the cold bone shivers
loneliness
bitter
in silence resides
thoughts bounce
hitting walls
of lifeless stone
resonating
in emptiness

s.a.t.

* * *

The opening lines are the sort that make you FEEL the words physically--

"gripped by
the cold bone shivers"

and I love the shading of emotional reasoning with next two:

"loneliness
bitter
in silence resides"

the rest could be a seperate stanza but I like that you chose to keep it as one- it lends to the idea of relentless continuity, stuck:

"hitting walls"

and nicely followed by lifeless walls that resonate:

"hitting walls
of lifeless stone
resonating
in emptiness"

And now I confess that I found s.a.t. distracting.

Your initials?

(I just kept thinking about my S.A.T. scores after that--smile...all these years later. *chuckle*)

but yes, all in all, I enjoyed this alot. There was a lot in those lines lady.

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

5 posted 2004-09-25 09:23 PM

Smiling, yes - s.a.t. is my signature, my initials, it is how I sign all my work - sorry it was so confusing. I sign my drawings this way as well, only in caps SAT.  Ah, well.

This is more to do with depression and the absolute sense of lonliness or isolation it can cause when it descends upon one.

I appreciate the feed back and comments - it helps and it encourages.  Thank you all for taking the time.

Warmest regards-
Susan -
s.a.t.

Never thought of it in conjunction with the test before

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

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